


Fall For Me

by NikiAlex03



Series: Fall For Me Universe [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cancer, F/M, Family Drama, Getting Together, M/M, Musician!Sirius Black, Polyamory, Publicist!Remus Lupin, Regulus Black Dies, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiAlex03/pseuds/NikiAlex03
Summary: Despite his reservations, Remus can't help the way he's immediately drawn to musician Sirius Black. For the first time in years, he's found himself feeling something even remotely comparable to what he feels for his boyfriend, James. Remus has known he was poly since college, but his reluctance to open himself up to anyone else has limited his relationships outside of James to one night stands and short lived affairs.Sirius was supposed to be one of those, except Remus can't get the man out of his head. Sirius Black has Bad Idea written all over him, and Remus doesn't need him disrupting his carefully ordered life any more than he already has.When tragedy strikes and brings them back together, Remus tells himself it's only for one night. But one night quickly spirals into more, and he's left unable to do anything but let himself fall.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Fall For Me Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875892
Comments: 18
Kudos: 60





	1. One

Remus was jolted out of sleep by an unreasonably loud banging on his front door, made only worse by the migraine he had been nursing since dragging himself into bed only four hours earlier and passing out almost immediately.

He didn't love traveling and found it difficult to sleep on airplanes on a normal day, but the past 5 months spent flying literally around the world had been far from normal, and he was over it. Whoever needed to see him could wait. He needed sleep more.

Except the knocking didn't ease up. Rather, it got louder, and after a few more seconds which felt like an eternity, it was accompanied by a scream: "REMUS!"

He flew up.

"REMUS LUPIN YOU SON OF A BITCH OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT!"

It was Alice, he realized. Alice, his coworker, who had been with him the past 5 months, and had been equally up to her neck in work. Why was Alice here? He distinctly remembered dropping her off at her own apartment before the car brought him to his. Remus tumbled out of bed, still half asleep, shuffling into pants and trying to look semi-presentable before he reached the door.

Alice was mid-shout when Remus pulled the door open, only to immediately be slapped across the face. "Ow! Fuck, Alice." He complained.

That was one way to wake him, he guessed.

"Are you insane? Are you literally insane, Remus? What the hell!" Alice was borderline screeching at this point.

Remus frowned, confused, and tried to convey that he had absolutely no idea what was going on. He wasn't even entirely convinced this wasn't all a dream.

Aside from the sting on his left cheek where Alice's palm had surely left a mark.

That... that was real.

But Alice wasn't even looking at him. She had marched her way into his house and was now in his bedroom, rummaging through his closet, still yelling and exhausting every profanity under the sun.

Remus tumbled in after her, "Al- Alice! Will you please tell me what the fuck is going on!"

Remus stopped her, finally, by grabbing her arm just as it yanked a dark grey shirt off it's hook.

"Where the fuck have you been the past 40 minutes?" Alice asked, "I've been calling you non-stop. Minerva has been calling you non-stop! You better be fucking grateful I got here before she did, God only knows what she's going to do to yo-"

"Alice!"

"Sirius, Remus! Sirius _fucking_ Black! Ring a bell?"

Sirius Black was their client, and the reason Remus had gotten no sleep the past 5 months, but that still didn't explain to his maxed out brain why Alice was here, acting like this, when she should be at her own house, fucking asleep like Remus would kill to be right then.

"Oh my God. You don't know don't you. You don't fucking- God, Remus! What's the first rule?" Alice grabbed her purse, which she had promptly discarded onto the floor near the entryway, and dug around in it until she found her phone.

The first rule, one of the only rules that Minerva -their boss- actually had for them, was that they always had their phone turned on, always available for an emergency, of which they had many. Remus, remembering this, glanced slightly abashed at his own phone, which was off and turned down onto the screen.

"We just got back!"

"No fucking kidding, Remus!" Alice said, and having found whatever she was looking for, shoved her phone right up in Remus' face.

Oh. _Oh_.

"Oh."

"Yeah. _Oh_." Alice mocked him, "Fucking idiot. She's going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. Sleeping with a client!"

Remus was still stricken, staring at the phone in his hand. Alice snatched it away.

"Now put this on," She said, "We're going to fucking France."

* * *

Minerva Mcgonagall was a formidable woman. Tall, slender, and utterly terrifying. Remus sat opposite her on the private jet -the one he had grown almost sick of for having seen the inside of it too many times over the past few months- and wished he could be literally anywhere else.

Being the object of Minerva's fury was a curious thing. Remus had worked with her for all of the 8 years he'd been at the Gryffindor PR agency, and he'd only ever seen it, but never experienced it himself. Which is why he was usually careful not to get on her bad side.

"Remus," Minerva began. Alice had long since abandoned them for the room at the back where she was catching up on the hours of sleep Remus had deprived her. He didn't even blame her.

Minerva reached into her briefcase, which had been leaning against her chair, and pulled out a folder. She withdrew its contents one by one, placing them silently onto the small table that was the only thing separating Remus from her hands around his neck, which he was sure was going to be the eventual outcome of this regardless.

They were photographs. Four of them. Each one of Sirius Black with his tongue down his Publicist's throat. Remus' throat, to be precise.

"Explain yourself." Minerva ordered, and ice ran cold down Remus' back. His mouth went dry. Suddenly, the knowledge of how to form and pronounce words was something he lacked.

He ran back through the events of that night in his mind, trying desperately to come up with an explanation that would be both honest and satisfying to Minerva, without increasing her anger.

These photographs had been taken in Sydney, though the particular incident of what they were showcasing had happened many other times in many other cities. The only reason Remus recognized these as being from Sydney -given that much of the tour was a blur of coffee and pure willpower to him- was because this had been the only time he had been drunk enough to lose himself for 10 seconds and kiss Sirius outside, in the open.

Though they initially thought they had gotten away with it, and grew more relaxed as days went by and nothing was leaked to the press. So why now? Sirius had just gotten back from his third world tour. Remus' first, even though he had been on Sirius' PR team for the past four years. Right now, he was in France, visiting his younger brother and his fiancé, taking some much earned time off from the spotlight. Or, well, he was supposed to be.

Remus hadn't spoken to Sirius directly since he last saw him in Madrid, their last tour stop. They hadn't exactly ended things on good terms, and the rest of their interactions had been limited to formalities and what was strictly necessary for the job. Remus had taken only one look at his phone while running after Alice out of his house earlier and promptly turned it on silent, though not off.

The only time he looked at it again was to send a quick message to James to let him know that he was okay and would call as soon as he could, and then another, when Alice informed him that the more intimate nature of his and James' relationship was now being made public, apologising for the shit storm he had clearly left his boyfriend to deal with alone back in London.

What was going through Sirius' mind? What was going through Remus' mind? He was still feeling all too numb about it. And he didn't have any explanation for Minerva, at least not one that she would like.

"Can I speak to Sirius first?" He managed. It was the best he could manage, and it wasn't entirely due to his own cowardice. Sirius wasn't out, or at least he hadn't been. Remus hadn't even known that Sirius was attracted to men at all until that first night, in New York. He was painted as a womanizer in the tabloids and everyone ran with it, including his publicity team.

The media reaction would be catastrophic, Remus didn't have to look at his phone to know that. He didn't want to add further damage by saying something else Sirius might not want put out there.

Minerva's lips thinned and she glared at him through her spectacles, but still nodded once. She stood. And then, "I expected better from you, Remus."

And there it was. As Minerva slinked off into one of the more comfortable seats at the back of the plane, Remus was left alone with his thoughts and the photographs and the knowledge that he had disappointed Minerva, who had done so much for him, all because he couldn't keep his dick in pants.

And in the process possibly upended Sirius' entire career, as well.

* * *

"I need to call James." Remus said as they hit ground, "I can just duck into the airport and use a payphone."

"You will do no such thing." Minerva said coldly.

"Someone could photograph you." Alice added.

She raised her hand in defense as Remus glared at her.

"I'll be quick." Remus begged. Because he really needed to call James. Or text him, or something. And his phone didn't work here, and he had worked in publicity long enough to know that the hour they had been in the sky equaled an entire day in the press.

Remus being polyamorous wasn't something he typically went around talking about, if for no other reason than because most people simply didn't understand it. But he didn't exactly go out of his way to hide it, nor did he hide his relationship with James, and Remus had known since seeing those pictures with his name written boldly above it that it was really only a matter of time before they dug up James' as well, and Lily's, and dragged them through the mud with him, as they surely were doing right now.

But there was no arguing with Minerva, and Alice staunchly took her side, albeit offering an empathetic smile that while Remus appreciated, didn't do much to actually comfort him.

Remus was taken off the plane and directly into a van with blacked out windows, which he thought was incredibly excessive, considering no one probably even knew they were in France at all.

Remus downed the remainder of his third cup of coffee, which had been his only tether to the world of the living since he left his house earlier, and slouched back into his seat, hating literally everything about his life.

* * *

Darkness had started setting in by the time they arrived at Regulus and Elaine's house. It was a modest, secluded cottage style home in a small neighborhood resting just outside the city.

The landscape surrounding it was beautiful and clearly well taken care of, all lush greenery and flowering plants, and there was a stone pathway leading up to the front steps.

The whole thing was far removed from anything Remus might've ever pictured Sirius in and when Sirius strolled out to meet them, he contrasted boldly with his setting.

Sirius was tall, and covered from head to toe in brightly colored tattoos. He had several piercings, which Remus had become well acquainted with during the tour, and looked every bit the punk rock musician he was.

Remus regarded him, but was only given a short time to do so before Minerva, wasting no time, asked Sirius if there was a private place where Remus and he could talk. Sirius nodded curtly, and led Remus straight around the back of the house as Minerva and Alice were ushered inside by Elaine.

They ended up in a tool shed in the back garden, Sirius locking the door behind them as Remus began apologizing profusely, only to be met with Sirius leaning back casually against the wall with his hands shoved into his pockets, looking completely and utterly unbothered by the fact that every major tabloid in Europe was currently tearing into his very existence.

"Are you… do you not care?" Remus asked incredulously.

Sirius shrugged, "They were going to find out sooner or later."

"Bullshit," Remus countered, "If it's not an issue you could've let us release it sooner. Mitigate some of the fallout. You didn't want anyone to know."

"Are you in here to play therapist?"

"I'm in here because we, I, screwed up. And I want to know how you'd like me to fix it." Remus said.

It was the truth. Part of the truth anyway. The trouble was, he didn't quite know what the other part was. So he focused on the part he did know. He had to fix this, and fast, or he'd be out of a job.

Sirius saw right through him anyway, "You can drop the act, for one. Your face is on those pictures, too. What do you think?"

Remus laughed, the only appropriate response for what he considered an incredibly stupid question.

"What do I think? I think I'm walking on incredibly thin ice right now with my boss, who wants to skin me and sell my organs off to the highest bidder."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Minnie's all talk. Don't worry."

"I can't not worry, Sirius." Remus said, "You employ her. She employs me. And I fucked up by fucking you-"

"I don't think it was a fuck up."

"Stop." Remus ordered. Because he couldn't do that. Not right now, certainly not with Minerva on the other side of the door. The reiteration of their argument in Madrid was not something he felt emotionally capable of handling right then.

"So you want us to confirm it?" Remus asked, "Tell everyone that you're…"

"That I'm a fucking poof? Sure, go right ahead." Sirius replied curtly. He kicked a bit of dust on the ground.

And Remus saw it then. For only a brief second, the chink in Sirius' exterior giving way to… resignation.

"Sirius."

Sirius looked at him.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked.

There was no response.

Remus sighed heavily and rocked back on his heels, "I'm sorry, Sirius."

And he was. It was a fucked up situation.

But Sirius scoffed and took a step closer towards him, a small smile curling his lips upwards, "I've missed you." "

Don't." Remus said sharply.

Sirius persisted, "The way we left things in Madrid-"

Was messy. It had been messy. So messy they'd probably still be ignoring each other right then if not for the crisis they were in the middle of forcing them to interact.

And yet, still...

"It was the right thing." Remus insisted.

"I disagree."

"You don't get to disagree." Remus practically growled in frustration, "I'm your publicist. I'm your employee."

"You're Minnie's employee."

"Stop. We're not talking about that-" Remus cut him off, "We're talking about you. And what you want to do next."

"You're my publicist, Remus. You should be telling me what to do next." Sirius quipped.

Remus took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm. Sirius was goading him. He would not rise to the bait.

"Why didn't you come out earlier?" Remus asked.

Sirius arched a brow, and Remus tried not to focus on the piercing there.

Bitter resentment laced Sirius' tone as he said, "Why do you think."

It wasn't a question, because the answer was obvious. Sirius' parents. Shit.

He hadn't even thought of that. "I'm-"

"You're sorry. Yeah. You mentioned that."

Part of Remus wanted to know more, because Sirius had mentioned his parent's before, and how they reacted to him being gay.

But the topic had come up during one of their nights together. Early into the next morning, laying together, a tangle of sheets and limbs, with Sirius staring into Remus' eyes the way he was doing now.

Pillow talk.

It would be too familiar to ask about Sirius' parents again. It was personal, and would show concern on a level that went beyond just employer and employee. Which is what they were, and what they had to remain.

So he didn't ask. Sirius shoved a hand through his hair and Remus forced himself to ignore the way it fell in silky black waves across Sirius' broad shoulders.

"You were drunk," Remus said with finality, "and I came onto you."

Sirius' eyes narrowed, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Our story. You need to protect yourself-"

"I am not throwing you under the bus, Remus."

"And you're not ready to come out."

Sirius paused. Remus was right. He wasn't ready to come out. He had been effectively flung from the closet, and was probably dealing with all kinds of hell from his parents because of it.

All because of Remus.

"I can protect myself." Remus said, "Your career is what matters."

"Jesus fucking- I don't give two fucks about my career right now, Remus!"

"Well you should! And it is quite literally my job to give a fuck about your career, if I even still have a job after this! So that's our story. You were drunk, I came onto you. It didn't go further than that kiss. You're still straight. We can set up something with you and Marlene when we get back to London-"

"Do you fucking hear yourself right now?" Sirius snarled, "I'm not doing any of that!"

"It's not up to you." Remus said, "You pay me to manage your reputation, Sirius. Let me manage your reputation."

When Sirius said nothing, Remus sighed and asked again,

"Do you want to come out, Sirius?" Nothing. "It's okay if you're not ready." Remus said softly.

"If they don't find out now, they will eventually." Sirius replied.

"Then we wait for eventually." Remus said. He pushed past Sirius and stalked back up to the house.

* * *

"Can I use your phone?" Remus asked as he entered the dining area where Alice, Elaine, and Minerva were sitting, a bottle of wine between them.

"Of course," Elaine smiled at him, before Minerva had a chance to question him, "Over there. On the counter."

He felt Alice's eyes on him as he crossed the room and headed out the back door, shutting it gently behind him as he dialed the number into Elaine's phone.

When James answered, Remus let his shoulders relax for what felt like the first time that day.

"Hi," he breathed, "it's me."

"Remus! Oh my God, Remus. Lily! It's Remus! Where the fuck have you been?"

Remus laughed, "France."

"What? We came up to your place, when you weren't answering any of our calls-"

"I might've already left by then. Sirius is in France, staying with his brother."

"Jesus Christ, Rem. Are you okay?" James asked.

Remus heard the genuine concern in James' voice and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Don't worry about me. How are you? Is it bad? I haven't been online."

There was an unsettling pause, and then, "It's… um,"

"Fuck, James. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. You can't control the tabloids." James assured him, and even though he sounded sincere, Remus couldn't shake his own guilt.

"I should have been more careful. This is like, the last thing you and Lily need right now."

"The last thing Lily and I need right now is for you to worry over something that wasn't your fault." James said, "We love you, Rem."

"Yeah. I love you, too."

"Just, deal with whatever you have to deal with in France, and when you get back to London come see us first thing."

"I will." He promised. God, he missed them. He hadn't even realized how much. Remus hadn't seen James or Lily in almost 3 months. Lily would be even more pregnant by now.

"I love you." He said again, if only because he just really needed to. He needed that tether.

"I love you, too." Remus shut his eyes, "I have to head back inside."

"Ok. We'll talk more when you get back. And, Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Seriously. We're fine here. Don't beat yourself up too badly."

The line cut off, and Remus immediately mourned its loss. He didn't have much time though. Night had settled in around them. He was in desperate need of a long shower and a bed, and he knew he wouldn't be able to get either of those things until he went back inside and dealt with the storm head on. So he went.

* * *

Remus channeled up all his courage before walking through the doors and into the dining area where everyone had now gathered, seemingly waiting on him.

Sirius sat perched on one of the chairs at the breakfast bar, his guitar in hand, strumming idly.

"Ah!" Sirius exclaimed as Remus approached, "You're late!"

Late?

"For? Have you already told them? Min-"

"Late for my coming out party." Sirius said.

Remus spun around and pinned Sirius to the spot. Sirius responded with nothing more than a lazy grin.

"Check it out." Sirius said, sliding his phone across the counter so it was close enough for Remus to reach it and- Sirius' Instagram page was open, and the most recent one had been posted just 5 minutes ago.

"In light of recent events, I'd like to clarify the rumor and say, officially, that yes, I am gay. I'm enjoying some quiet time right now with family and reflecting on the incredible experience the past 5 months have been. I look forward to heading back into the studio and making more music for you all."

It was accompanied by a picture of Sirius and Regulus, their backs to the camera as they sat facing the fireplace, obviously engrossed in a very deep conversation that Remus couldn't tell was either fake or real. Remus glanced up.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to strangle Sirius or hug him.

"It's… it's good." He said, "It's really good."

"It's also on track to be his most popular post." Alice announced proudly.

Remus realized she must have had a hand in writing it.

"Congratulations." Remus said earnestly.

He smiled at Sirius, but the one he received back didn't quite meet Sirius' eyes.

Behind it, Remus saw all the doubts Sirius had about coming out, all the ways in which it was a bad idea for him, and Remus knew that Sirius had only done it for him.

He didn't know where that left them, and he wasn't sure he was ready to find out.

* * *

Minerva was giving him the silent treatment even though the storm had been -mostly- diverted. She retired to the vacant guest room early, leaving Alice and Remus to sleep in the living room.

Sirius hung around for a while and at one point Remus was sure Sirius would ask him to come to his room, but seemed to think better of it and dismissed himself not long after.

Regulus and Elaine had long since gone to bed, and Alice had stayed up with Remus for an hour afterwards throwing out ideas for how they were going to proceed from here.

But Remus couldn't fall asleep, despite how tired he was physically and mentally. Instead he stayed up staring at the ornate patterns on the ceiling above him, late into the early morning, until he finally stopped trying and stood up.

He wandered out of the house and into the garden, spotting the figure standing under the gazebo at the end of it. Regulus didn't start when Remus called out to him, and so Remus took it as an invitation to walk up towards him, albeit apprehensively, until he was lingering just outside.

Regulus sat with his eyes half closed and an almost serene expression on his face. Remus would've thought he was asleep if not for the beer bottle gripped in his hand.

"It's late," Remus said dumbly, because he couldn't think of anything else to say to Sirius' brother right now. He had met Regulus before, a handful of times. But unlike his brother, Regulus avoided fame as best he could.

He had followed in his parent's footsteps and studied economics, a 'nice, respectable profession, as they had put it. Apparently Walburga and Orion Black didn't approve of Sirius' career, which confused Remus on so many levels.

Sirius was insanely talented, and his success in such a competitive industry for someone who was only 28 showed it, so why they would be anything other than proud of Sirius completely evaded Remus' comprehension.

He had never met them, though he had seen enough pictures to wonder how two people so cold and bitter could raise someone like Sirius, or even Regulus.

Regulus hummed without opening his eyes, "I couldn't sleep."

"Neither could I."

"Do you want a beer?" Regulus asked.

He nodded his head towards the mini-fridge in the corner.

Remus hesitated a moment before accepting.

"I didn't take you for a beer person." Remus said as he took a seat next to Regulus on the bench.

"Hmm. My brother fancies wine."

"Yeah. He'd be very offended if you offered him beer. He says it tastes like dog piss." Regulus chuckled.

He opened his eyes then, and Remus regarded the ways in which Regulus and Sirius were so similar.

Same dark grey eyes, same black hair that hung in loose curls, although Regulus kept his much shorter. Same high cheekbones and prominent jawline and straight, aristocratic noses. They were very clearly brothers, in that regard. But that's where the resemblance stopped.

Their personalities couldn't be more different, and it showed in the way they presented themselves. Regulus was far more reserved and stoic than his brother, who wore his every emotion on his sleeve and had made more than a few headlines for his lack of impulse control.

Sirius was covered in tattoos and piercings, and Remus doubted that Regulus had a single one of either. Regulus actually looked the part of the high bred heir to the Black family enterprise. Remus wondered vaguely how Sirius might've turned out if he'd not chosen his own path.

He didn't know Regulus very well, but he knew that Sirius loved his brother fiercely, despite these differences, and so that told Remus everything he felt he needed to know about the man sitting next to him.

"The house is gorgeous." Remus said, "Almost makes me hate living in the city."

"I've always preferred the countryside." Regulus said, "We have a vacation house in Scotland. It's a two hour drive to the nearest town. All the other houses are spaced out with at least a mile in between each one. I loved it there."

"Sounds… boring."

"Oh, it was." Regulus chuckled, "That's why I loved it. Normal life back in London was always so loud and eventful. It was nice to have a few weeks to just… exist, without any of it."

"Sirius must have hated it."

Regulus smiled, a sadder one, as though yearning for the past, "He did."

They were quiet for a few minutes, the only sounds around them the rustling of tree branches and leaves in the wind.

And then Regulus glanced at Remus. "So," he said conversationally, "My brother says you're polyamorous?"

Remus looked at him, trying to decipher both how comfortable he was carrying on this topic and how he felt about the fact that Sirius had apparently talked to Regulus about him.

He shoved that second one aside, deciding to deal with it at a later date.

"Yeah," he finally said, "Yeah, I am."

"And your boyfriend, John-"

"James."

"James," Regulus corrected, "He as well?"

"Yeah. He's married."

"Not to you."

"No, her name is Lily. They've known each other since they were at secondary school, long before I came around."

"So why aren't you married to James?" Regulus asked.

There seemed to be no malice in his tone, just genuine curiosity.

"I'm not really a white picket fence, two kids and a dog type." Remus said, which was the truth. He wasn't. He couldn't give James the stability and family he craved, and had made that clear early on in their relationship, before James and Lily had even gotten together themselves.

"I get it," Remus said at Regulus' silence, "It's confusing."

"Everything's confusing if it's given enough thought." Regulus said, "Are you thinking of dating my brother?"

The question was so randomly placed, and so casually asked, that Remus actually choked on his beer.

Regulus observed him warily as Remus spluttered out a "No."

"Why not? He's quite besotted with you." Regulus informed him.

"Has he said that?"

"He didn't need to." Regulus said, "He's never been good at hiding how he feels, especially from me."

Remus chose to also not think about that. In his mind, Sirius' interest in him had ended back in Madrid.

"No. I don't plan on dating him. I don't do relationships."

"You're with James."

"James is different." Remus said. This was also the truth. James was different. He always had been. James had been there to piece him back together after a particularly dark time in Remus' life, after he was convinced he would never be whole again. James was probably the only person in the world Remus trusted completely.

He didn't do long term with anyone else, and had long since given up trying. James was… James. It was enough for him.

"Sirius and I wouldn't work." He said.

He had made that incredibly clear in Madrid, and again earlier, and it had felt like the right decision both of those times. Yet here he was, questioning himself again, and deep down he knew it wouldn't be the last time.

Regulus said nothing in response, and Remus downed the rest of his beer.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius deal with the backlash of Sirius' decision to come out

Remus had never loved his flat more than when he tumbled into it around noon the next day. 

The first thing that he noticed was the kettle on the lit stove, and momentarily panicked as he scanned the room before his eyes landed on the person sitting on his couch, beaming up at him with a wide, toothy grin. 

James.

Remus was across the room in a flash, kicking the door closed behind him and discarding his bag, he sank into James' open arms and melted into a hug he hadn't known he needed this badly. 

"You're here."

"Of course, I'm here." James said. 

And, of course he was.  
He had sent James a message letting him know he was getting into a cab to come home from the airport, and James' response had been 'see you soon.'  
Remus had assumed 'soon' meant the dinner he was scheduled to have with them this week. Apparently James had other ideas. Remus wasn't complaining though.

He pulled away from their embrace slightly, just enough that he could press his lips to James', moving in a slow, languid kiss. There was no hurry, and Remus wanted to savor the feeling after being deprived of it for so long.

Fuck, Remus had missed him. He held onto James and let himself be lost in the feeling of their lips moving together, desperate to cling to the little piece of reprieve from all the other shit happening in his life at the moment. James was the center. James grounded him, as he always had. Remus had no idea how he had gone so long without him. 

"Three months is too long," James said breathily, breaking their kiss but leaving his fingers lingering on Remus' cheek, "Three months is way too fucking long. Never leave me again, Rem." 

"Never," Remus promised, and in that moment he meant it. 

"Besides," he continued, "I'll probably be out of a job after all of this anyway. You can have me barefoot in your kitchen like Lily. Minus the pregnant thing though." 

James grinned, "That, I would love."

"Of course you would."

"Come on," James said as the kettle started to whistle, "I'll make you tea."

James hated tea and even avoided coffee unless it was of the iced variation. Remus thought he was crazy and had no idea how he functioned that way, a sentiment he shared with Lily. 

"How is Lily?" Remus asked as he sat himself at the kitchen table, "She's due in three months, right?"

"Yup. She's very, very pregnant. She's also going through that stage where she hates me and everything about me. Part of the reason I'm here." James was beaming as he said it, as though Lily kicking him out of his own house had only achieved to grow his affection towards her.

Remus chuckled. He couldn't wait to see Lily again. Remus had met James through a mutual friend of his and Lily's, Dorcas Meadows. Although Dorcas' intent was that Remus and Lily would get together, it hadn't quite worked out that way, and their relationship had always been relegated to that of friends. Remus had instead taken a liking to James Potter, the wild haired, glasses wearing rugby player that Lily swore decided to go to the same university as her just to torment her for as long as he possibly could.

James had reportedly spent their secondary school years begging Lily for a date he had never received, and had finally decided to move on to other ventures when Remus waltzed into their lives.  
Lily didn't actually give James that first date until several years later, a few months after graduation, when he and Remus had been together for almost three years and both long since discovered that they were polyamorous and settled into a dynamic that worked well for them. 

Lily and Remus were friends. Great friends. 

But Lily and James, from that very first date, had always been meant for more. 

Sometimes there were more people, most recently James' now ex-girlfriend, who Remus had never liked and couldn't remember the name of, and sometimes Remus' increasingly short lived relationships with nice guys who he never seemed to really stick with. But the three of them; him, James and Lily, were and had been a constant for six years now. 

Remus smiled up at James as he placed the cup of tea in front of him, made just the way Remus liked it. He took a sip, and melted further into relaxation. 

"I miss being pampered." He sighed happily.

James laughed and sat down too, pulling Remus' free hand to hold it in his own, "We barely got to talk at all while you were gone." 

"Yeah. It was always busy, I hardly had any- What's that look?"  
Remus demanded as he noticed the smirk on James' face. 

James raised his hands, "Just saying. You seemed very busy in those pictures I saw." 

"Ughhh. No." Remus groaned, "Let's not. Can we not do that?"

"You slept with Sirius Black. Mega-famous, multiple award winning, world tour having Sirius Black." James argued, "We literally have no choice but to talk about this, Remus."

"I slept with my boss." Remus corrected.

"Um. No, technically you slept with your boss' boss." James said. Remus glared at him. 

"So you did sleep with him then?" James continued anyway, "Wasn't just that kiss?"

Remus' lips thinned and he chose not to answer, realizing he had walked right into James' trap, and instead directing his focus very intensely on his tea. 

James whistled, "Wow." 

Falling forward with his head in his hands, Remus muttered, "It was stupid. It was so fucking stupid, the entire thing."

"Was it just the one time?" James asked. Remus didn't answer that either. James rocked back in his chair.

"I'm going to lose my job. I'm surprised Minerva hasn't fired me already." Remus groaned.

"That probably means she isn't going to. I mean, Sirius wasn't a jerk about it right?"

"No." Remus sighed, "Actually. We kind of had a fight. The last night of the tour, in Madrid."

James raised an expectant brow so Remus continued, reluctantly. 

"He wanted… he asked if we could see each other again, just us, when we got back to London."

"....Okay." 

"And so naturally I said 'no,'"

"Remus."

"He is my boss. I work for him. I can't be… I can't fuck him, too. It's a one or the other situation and I quite like my job."

James sighed. 

"I understand," He clearly didn't, "But you do have a tendency to… run from people. When things get too intense."

"Nothing got too intense! We fucked a few times in hotel rooms after concerts. Sometimes we were too drunk to even remember any of it the next morning. We weren't like, actually dating or anything."

"But you like him." 

Remus deflated, but the nagging voice in the back of his head was as persistent as ever. Did he?

"As a client, sure." He said. 

James rolled his eyes, "Come off it, Remus." 

"Stop." 

"You like him." 

"I can't like him." Remus said, "I can't. And I won't. Can we talk about literally anything else now?" 

James looked like he wanted to say more, but seemed to realize that Remus had reached the end of what he could tolerate of Sirius related conversations. 

"I'm sorry," He said. 

"It's fine, James. I just don't want to talk about it. It's still a lot to process. You know, if you want to palm me off on someone else so badly…"

"Oh fuck off!" James laughed, "You know that's not what I was doing. I just- I want you to be happy."

"I am happy." Remus said, and he was. He was, wasn't he? 

Remus squeezed James' hand gently in his own, communicating that they were okay. He was okay. He would go into the office tomorrow, see Minerva, and deal with everything else then. Right now, he finished the rest of his tea and told James about his favorite cities.  
\-----------‐-------------------------------------------------  
They migrated to the couch after Remus was done with his tea, settling into a comfortable silence as James carded his fingers through Remus' hair while the latter drifted off to sleep. When Remus woke several hours later it was dark outside and James' sleeping body was spread out on the bed next to him. His phone read 2:34am, and he was wide awake. 

Great.

Logically he knew it would take a while for his sleep schedule to return to normal. He'd endured several nights of battling jet lag after going to sleep on the plane at 8pm and waking up on the other side of the world at 10pm that same day, and being expected to function as though he hadn't. 

Remus sighed and got up out of the bed, careful not to wake James. He made his way out to the living room and against his better judgement, powered up his laptop. He would inevitably be the object of his coworkers' gossip when he went into work in the morning, so he might as well prepare himself for what they'd be saying from now.

The first thing he knew is that he'd be forced to come out to basically everyone. While most of them knew he was bisexual, only Alice and a couple others knew that he was polyamorous. As he scrolled through the results of his google search of his name, he wasn't surprised to see everyone jump to the conclusion that he had been cheating on James with Sirius. 

How did they even find out about James in such a small amount of time? Remus' personal social media accounts were all private, and there was nothing linking James' to the ones he used for work.  
And yet, here the articles were, too many of them for comfort. Big and small reporters alike were painting him as a cheater and not a single one of the 50 he read even considered that he might be poly. Remus tried, and failed, to stall his rising frustration. 

He switched gears, and googled Sirius' name instead. A lot of the same pages came up so he sifted through for the ones that focused on Sirius instead.  
These were being much nicer to Sirius, as most insisted that Sirius was as much a victim as James was. Only a few were being outright homophobic or at least passive aggressively so.  
One article titled 'Poor Marlene!' claimed that Sirius' close friend, actress Marlene McKinnon, was heartbroken over Sirius' coming out.  
Remus scoffed. It was clearly bullshit. He checked the author, and, unsurprisingly, saw that it was Rita Skeeter, a D-list freelance journalist who routinely gave them more trouble than her shoddy writing was worth. 

Most people were suddenly very interested in Sirius' interactions with every male he had ever been in contact with. They dug up old school photos, pictures of friends Sirius had had in college but hadn't even spoken to in years, and every time he had ever been within a 5 mile radius of the house or hotel where an equally famous man of around his age was staying. 

In retrospect, it wasn't that bad. It was pretty much the same as it had been before except now everyone paired Sirius off with men instead of women. The comments under Sirius' instagram are mostly positive and encouraging, a few expressing outrage that he was forced to come out instead of doing it on his own time. His following there and on twitter had increased. Remus made a mental note to check with Horace, Sirius' manager, about how he was doing in music sales and streaming. But from this angle, at least, things looked good. 

The hype would die down eventually, Remus knew, but he couldn't help but wonder how Sirius was taking it right now, at its height, when it seemed like everyone was talking about it. He also couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. Remus was the reason any of this was happening at all. He should've known better. He should have cut things off with Sirius long before Sydney. 

Of course there would still need to be damage control. Sirius was forced to come out, most if not everyone was surprised, and it was still in the top five google searches. Alice had pulled a few strings to get him an interview tomorrow with Mary McDonald, Britian's biggest and most sought after TV host. Remus' email was clogged with requests from other hosts and journalists trying to get a word on Sirius, and in any other situation, Remus might've gone ahead and booked a few. But he wanted to get Sirius' input beforehand. He wanted to give Sirius as much control over the situation as he possibly could.

Remus was so focused on his laptop he hardly noticed how much time had gone by until James was walking out into the living room, fully dressed.  
Remus frowned and glanced at the clock resting on the wall next to him. 5am.  
Had it really been that long?

"I'm gonna head out. Have to be at work in a few hours." James said, stopping to kiss the top of Remus' head.

"What're you working on?" He asked.

"Uhhh, trying to assess how much trouble we're in." Remus said, "James? Did anyone… say anything to you? About me, you know?"

James seemed a bit skeptical to answer, but did anyway after a beat, "Don't worry, I did defend your honor." 

"What did they say?"

"Remus-"

"Please, James."

James sighed and passed a hand through his already messy hair, "The same shit everyone else is saying. That you cheated on me with Sirius. I know that's not what happened."

"So then you told people? That you're, we're, poly?" Remus asked.

"Everyone who's opinion I cared about already knew, so I only really told a couple of others. Mostly co-workers who only knew Lily from work events and stuff like that." James said. 

Right. Remus nodded slowly. 

"And how'd they take it?" Remus asked.

Another pause.

"Most of them were fine. Others, well, as good as I expected, I guess. Remus, really, I don't care. I know how I feel about you, and how I feel about Lily. Who gives a shit what some sodding old people think?" 

"I do." Remus said, "If people are giving you a hard time because I forced you to have to come out-"

"Stop it. Remus," James came around and removed Remus' laptop from his hands, taking hold of them in his, instead,  
"Remus. You didn't force me to do anything. None of this was your fault. You're an adult, Sirius is an adult. Blame the fucking media for trying to start shit in other people's lives, but don't blame yourself, please. I'm okay."

Remus nodded slowly, taking a long, staggering breath and willing himself to believe what James was telling him.  
\-----------‐-------------------------------------------------  
A few hours later he was sat outside of Minerva's office, her assistant, Taylor, shooting him occasional sympathetic glances which Remus tried his best to ignore. He had rode the high of his morning with James' all the way to work, right up until the elevator spat him out onto the main floor and he was immediately ushered back in by a harried looking intern who informed him that Minerva would be expecting him upstairs. 

Remus took another big sip of the water he had been given, feeling very much like a man about to walk to his execution. On one hand, he was grateful he had managed to avoid the stares and whispers from his colleagues, at least for a little while longer. On the other hand, he would take that over this any day. The anticipation alone of what was waiting for him on the other side of that door was killing him.

When it suddenly opened, Remus and Taylor both shot up. Caradoc Dearborn came out, his expression giving away absolutely nothing. Remus was on good terms with Caradoc, though the man terrified him. Caradoc was big and looked, in Remus' book, like an escaped convict, and his voice was loud and thunderous even when speaking at his normal conversational level. It helped though, in this profession. People weren't likely to turn Caradoc down when he asked for something. 

"Lupin," Caradoc nodded to him. Remus returned it. He couldn't remember ever feeling this nervous, not even when he had first started working here.

"She's waiting for you." Caradoc said. Remus thanked him and looked expectantly at Taylor, who motioned him forward. 

It's fine.  
Everything's fine. 

Remus steadied himself and marched forward, putting on a brave face and a smile he didn't feel. Minerva was at her desk, hands clasped in front of her. 

"Sit, please." She instructed him, "How are you, Mr. Lupin?" 

"I-" Remus paused, thrown for a loop. How was he? What kind of question was that?

"Bit nervous, if I'm being honest." He said, deciding to go with the truth. There was no sense in lying, as he figured his fear was more than visible taking even one look at him. 

"Well you can relax. You're not being fired, if that's why you're scared." Minerva said.

"I- I'm not?" That one was a shock to him, "Really?"

"No, you're much too valuable to this agency. However,"

Remus steeled himself.

"What you did was unacceptable. And while I know that the honus isn't entirely on you, Mr. Black had a part to play as well, you're the one who had a code of conduct to follow."

Remus nodded, "I know. I-"

"You represent Gryffindor PR, Remus. While… relations between clients and their representatives aren't strictly prohibited, I would have assumed it was implied."

"It was."

Minerva sighed, "I'm afraid that, while your employment isn't being terminated, I am removing you from Mr. Black's personal team." 

Remus' heart sank. He immediately wanted to object, but said nothing.  
He nodded slowly. It was merciful. He was lucky to still be employed. 

Just not with Sirius. Did he know? Had he requested it? 

They were silent for a while as Minerva seemed to give him a moment to compose himself, and then Remus looked up at her again and nodded. 

"I understand."

"I also assume that you and Mr. Black aren't engaged in any further-"

"No. No, none at all." Remus rushed out. Minerva narrowed her eyes, but carried on anyway, "Well then. Moving on. Tell me about your relationship with James and Lily Potter." 

Remus swallowed, his mouth going dry again. He heard the questions Minerva hadn't voiced; had you been cheating? Do we have two scandals to clear up? How much am I going to have to fix?

"We're- James and I, we've been together for almost 6 years now. But I wasn't cheating on him. We're… we're polyamours."

Remus waited for a reaction, even the tiniest hint of judgement, but either Minerva didn't have any or she was exceptionally good at hiding it.

"He's married to Lily. She is as well, though-"

Remus stopped. Lily was poly, though more sexually so than romantically. She had only ever been romantically involved with James since they got together, but had other relationships of the more… friends with benefits type nature. It wasn't Remus' place to explain all that though. 

"James and I date other people. Like an open relationship. But it's all... everyone knows. The three of us. Nothing's ever done behind anyones back." 

"I see." Minerva said, "So are you comfortable with that becoming public knowledge? Or would you prefer we take a different route?"

"I would have to talk to James and Lily first." Remus said, "But, no. I don't suppose there would be an issue." 

In truth, Remus had several issues. His relationship worked for him and all those who were involved, and he didn't see why it should be dragged through the public's purity lense to be judged and inspected from every angle. Nor did he have any expectations of there being resounding support of it. Even his own parents, who had accepted him being bisexual with open arms, had regarded him being poly as a college boy phase he and James were experimenting with.  
They didn't understand how Remus had helped Lily plan her wedding, or how he'd agreed to be James' best man, without a hint of jealousy or resentment toward either of them. 

However he knew the media. He knew how publicity worked. And now that it was out there, they would have to address it eventually, one way or the other. Or have it be addressed for them.

"I need you to ask them as soon as this meeting is over. I need a response within the hour. Sirius is scheduled for an interview and I believe it's best we get everything out of the way all at once instead of dragging things on for longer." 

"Okay. I will." Remus said.

"That's all, then. And, Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Don't ever screw up like this again."  
\-----------‐-------------------------------------------------  
Aside from Sirius, Remus currently worked with two other clients, neither of whom were as big as Sirius nor required his constant attention.  
Gilderoy lockhart, child actor turned series regular on a popular british sitcom Remus couldn't stand, was loud mouthed, arrogant, and quite frankly, a bit stupid. He was the epitome of what people thought celebrities were. Vapid, egotistical airheads. He had risen to fame quickly, urged on by his parents who worshipped the very ground he walked on and saw no faults in anything he did. Gilderoy wasn't an easy client. He was indecisive, had a superiority complex, and was prone to temper tantrums. However, his show had just started filming its next season and so that kept him busy and out of Remus' hair for at least another month. 

Remus did like his other clients though. Gideon and Fabian Prewitt were a twin musical duo who believed very strongly in the musical side of their career and not so much the fame that came with it. They could probably sell out stadiums, raking in billions and giving even Sirius a run for his money if they put the effort in, but they simply didn't care. Their concerts were usually small, homey affairs that cost as little as they possibly could.  
They were both down to earth and easy going, and didn't give Remus much of a sweat. His job when it came to them wasn't so much to manage their publicity as it was to ensure their lives remained private so there was no publicity to handle.

But neither of these required him to be at the office at that very moment, nor did Minerva enforce any rules about her employees staying there, so long as they got their jobs done. So despite being off of Sirius' team, Remus still found himself hailing a cab a few minutes after giving Minerva her confirmation to go forward with acknowledging the status of Remus' relationship with James and Lily.

He got out at Mary McDonald's studio in West London, presenting his ID at the entrance so they let him in. For a moment he thought it wouldn't work, as he had no real reason to be there, but the guard smiled after checking it and ushered him in. Remus had been there several times before. Mary was highly sought after and difficult to book, but she was also a close friend of his and Alice's, which is how they'd managed to call in this particular favor on such short notice. 

Remus got to the main studio and found Alice there with… Caradoc. Oh. So that's what his meeting this morning had been about. As Remus approached, Caradoc shot him an apologetic look. 

"Hey, man, I swear I had no idea." He promised, "McG called me in this morning and told me I'd be taking over from you, and, you know… you don't argue with her."

"I get it," Remus said. He and Caradoc had always been on good terms but Remus couldn't help the way he felt a little bit resentful towards him at the moment. He forced a smile, though. 

"What're you doing here?" Alice asked.

Remus shrugged. What the hell was he doing here?

"Figured I'd have one last day on the job." He said, shrugging. 

Alice smiled at him.

"I'm gonna miss you," she said. 

"I'm sure Caradoc's gonna be a great replacement." Remus said. His tongue felt heavy on the word 'replacement.'

It hadn't really fully hit him yet that he wasn't working with Sirius anymore. There wasn't much time to dwell on it though at that moment, though, because it was approaching 10am and they were about to start Sirius' interview. Things were kicking into motion, and Remus caught his first view of Sirius since leaving him in France two days ago. He looked… good.

If Sirius was letting the press get to him, he didn't show it. He was standing offstage waiting to be called on, grinning widely at something Mary McDonald was saying to him. The live audience was being settled into their places. The director called Mary forward, and she gave Sirius a quick hug before taking her place center stage. 

There was a loud siren that went off three times in rapid succession, immediately quelling all noise and sound within the room. Remus snuck a look at Alice and Caradoc standing next to him, whispering in quiet voices, hating that they had such an immediate chemistry with each other. 

Maybe Caradoc would be a good replacement. 

"Good morning, UK!" Mary greeted her audience, both live and otherwise, "Or would it be more appropriate to say 'welcome everyone?' Because I'm sure our international viewings are going straight up for this episode."

Remus swallowed against the lump in his throat. This was it. 

"Now I'm sure we're all aware by now that two days ago a few pictures of Sirius Black kissing another man was leaked to the press, causing an international outcry. The singer has been called a 'ladies man' and a 'womanizer,' and has had no shortage of women throwing themselves at him. However these  
pictures-" 

And here Mary motioned to the screen behind her where one of those damn pictures was being displayed, causing a fair amount of eyes to shift to Remus as well, as though his presence in the studio had only then been noticed. Remus only then realized this flaw in his plan and wanted nothing more than to run.  
But he held his place. He couldn't be on stage with Sirius, so he sure as hell would be here and offer moral support. It was the least he could do. Alice seemed to sense his tension and reached a hand out to him. Remus took it, grateful. 

"These pictures threw a wrench in the wedding plans of women and girls across the world. Since then rumors have started flying everywhere you turn. I don't know about the rest of the world, but here in London? You can hardly leave your house without hearing the name 'Sirius Black.'  
So believe me when I say that we are extremely honored to have him right here, today, to clear up some of those rumors and shed a bit of light on where he is at the moment. Everyone, please welcome Sirius Black!" 

The audience applauded on their cue as Sirius came out, smiling and waving. In another situation, he might've blown a kiss and let the women in the audience fight over who exactly he had been looking at when he did. Instead, he crossed the stage to meet Mary in a hug and she covered her mic and whispered something in his ear that no one else picked up, before motioning towards their seats. 

The first thing Sirius did was pick up the glass of water provided for him, and Remus noticed the way his hands shook as he raised it to his lips. He also noticed the way Sirius licked his lips afterwards, and remembered in excruciatingly perfect detail the way those lips had felt against his own. 

Clearing his throat, Remus banished the thought. Not that there was ever a good time for thinking of Sirius when he was supposed to be forgetting about him, but now certainly wasn't it. 

They started off simply, easy questions to get Sirius a bit more comfortable. They talked about his music, his recent tour, and what he was planning to do next, as well as briefly touching on Regulus' engagement and how happy Sirius was for his little brother. And then Alice picked up the cards which had been placed on the table for her, with the pre-set questions that would have no doubt been reviewed and examined by Alice and, possibly, Caradoc. The twisting feeling in his chest returned as he realized he hadn't been a part of that process. 

"So," Alice said, almost conspiratorial, leaning forward, "You're gay."

Sirius laughed, and it was followed by a few low giggles from the audience.

"Yes," he said, "It would appear so."

"But no one knew?" 

"Well, not quite. My family knew, as did my friends and the members of my professional team. But no, it wasn't public knowledge."

"And why was that?"

"Well, I'm not really sure. I guess…" Sirius paused as his eyes scanned over the audience, and for a brief moment they met Remus'. He appeared shocked, as though he hadn't expected Remus to be, but visibly relaxed substantially as soon as he saw him. Remus gave him a tight smile. 

"I guess I didn't want it to be my… image. I'm a musician, and I wanted people to focus on my music, not my sexuality." Sirius said. 

"And you don't think that people will focus on your music if they're aware of your sexuality?"

"No," he said bluntly, "But that's a bit presumptuous, right? I realize that now. I've received nothing but love and support from my fans. I've always tried to have a good relationship with them, to sort of break the barrier we see so many times between celebrities and their following. But now more than ever, it feels as though that barrier is completely gone. As though there's a weight lifted off my shoulder, you know? I can breathe a little easier."

There was another round of applause from the audience and Alice nodded appreciatively.

"So would you say that you're okay? With the way things have turned out?" 

"I'd say that I'm… appreciative, of the support I've been given thus far. It's certainly been a rough few days. It's not easy waking up and seeing something so private all over the place for everyone to see. I don't know if I wish I could go back into the closet, now that I'm out I'm still sort of dipping my toes into the water, getting a feel for it. I guess I'll just have to wait and see."

"Well said, Sirius. One more thing, before we cut to break, and this is another part of it that's been getting a lot of attention. Remus Lupin."

Remus tensed, and Alice squeezed his hand tighter. 

"He's your publicist, yes?" Mary asked.

"Yes, yes he is." Sirius replied. 

Did Sirius not know he had been kicked off his team?

"And that's him, in these pictures." Mary asked, although it was clear she already knew the answer. Sirius nodded the affirmative. Remus felt eyes boring holes into his back.

"But… he's in a relationship. Talk to me about that." Mary said. 

There was a beat, and Sirius' eyes found Remus' once more, almost as if seeking confirmation for what he was about to do. He wasn't looking at Alice, or Caradoc, even though they would have surely told him that Remus gave his permission to talk about this. To talk about him.

Remus took a deep breath and nodded once, just slightly enough that Sirius noticed it. 

"Remus is polyamorous," Sirius said, "He's in an open relationship. Everything we did was with the knowledge of his partner." 

Mary nodded, "I see."

"I want to add," Sirius said quickly, "I've seen a lot of support for me, and I appreciate it all, I do. But Remus has received nothing but criticism from people who don't even know him." 

This was clearly not in whatever script Sirius had been told to stick to, and Mary sat up a little straighter as he said it, Alice bristling at Remus' side.

"Remus is amazing." Sirius continued, "I wouldn't be the person I am today without him. Personally or professionally. So if everyone could just… lay off of him, yeah? If anyone deserves your reproval it's me, for putting him in this position."

One more round of applause from the audience, and Mary smiled gently.

"You obviously feel very strongly for him." 

"He's a great friend." Sirius said. 

Friend. It hung there, for 3 seconds, 3 breaths, and the director raised his hand, giving Mary the cue that they were about to cut to break.

"I'll see you all after the break, and thanks for tuning in!" Mary beamed directly at the camera. 

And they were out.  
\-----------‐-------------------------------------------------  
Sirius found him afterwards, bypassing Caradoc and Alice as he made a beeline directly for Remus. 

"Can we talk?"

Because Remus was still reeling from the show, all he managed was curt nod. He followed Sirius through the door and into the otherwise empty hallway. 

"How are you?" Remus asked.

"I should be asking you that." Sirius said, "I didn't say too much did I?"

"No, Sirius. You said just enough. Thank you." 

"Remus… I-"

"Sirius!" Alice called. Remus turned around to find Alice standing behind them. 

"Five minutes," Sirius called back. 

Whatever Alice wanted apparently couldn't wait, but she sighed and said okay, anyway, heading back into the studio. 

Sirius gave him a small, sad smile, "So we don't work together, anymore?"

"I guess not." Remus said, "But it's for the best."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. No temptation." It was a joke, but it fell flat. 

Sirius was staring at him intensely, his eyes stripping Remus of every single defense he was putting up, and Remus couldn't bring himself to look away. 

"I miss you." Sirius said earnestly.

"You don't know me well enough to miss me."

"I know you!"

Remus shook his head, "Not personally, no." 

"It's not for lack of trying." Sirius said. 

They let that hover between them. Remus didn't know how he was supposed to respond to that.

"I told Minerva that we weren't seeing each other," he said, "I can't betray her trust again."

Sirius sighed, "Remus…"

"Look, I wish things were different, okay? I do. I like you. But… we can't."

"Why not? You don't work for me anymore-"

"I can't." Remus said firmly, "Like you said in there, Sirius. I'm the one being criticized. Not you. I'm the one who's job will be on the line." 

Sirius' mouth was pressed into a thin line and Remus wanted nothing more than to kiss him. He got flashbacks to Madrid. He hadn't savored their last kiss well enough.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I have to go."

Remus turned before Sirius had a chance to argue further. If he stayed there he knew there was a good chance of Sirius breaking him down, and as much as Remus wanted it -God, did he want it- it would be a bad idea for everyone involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Kudos and Comments mean I will love you forever <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus realizes that his feelings for Sirius aren't going away, and turns to James for some much needed advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) I really like this chapter. it's probably my favorite so far, actually. This chapter has a lot of what gave me the initial idea for this fic, which is Remus/James, but it also has a nice bit of Remus/Sirius as well. There's a tiny bit of angst, not much, certainly not anything compared to what there will be in later chapters ;)  
> Most importantly, I feel like this is the time to point out that I am not poly, and despite doing research and trying to learn as much as I could to understand poly relationships, I'm not 100% sure of how well I handle it. Hopefully I did a good job!  
> Much love to all of you, come check me out on tumblr if you like @ https://nikialexx.tumblr.com/

Four days later Remus emerged, freshly showered and changed, from the spare bedroom in James and Lily's house. 

He had come here straight from work, making use of the small stash of clothes he kept there. He didn't even sleep over that often, but he never ceased to feel at home when he did. He padded downstairs to find Lily sitting at the table in the kitchen and James busying himself with cooking dinner, both of them chatting amicably with each other as he approached. 

"Remus!" Lily beamed up at him as he came in, "We were beginning to get worried. You took a while."

"Yeah, we thought you'd gone and drowned yourself up there." James teased. 

"No," Remus said, "Just really needed a long shower."

"Rough day?"

"That doesn't even begin to explain it." He sighed, "James, do you want help with anything?"

"Umm," James glanced at him over his shoulder, and then towards the counter, "I appreciate the offer but-"

"He's trying to say your cooking sucks, dear." Lily supplied teasingly.

James shot her a look that was a mix of gratefulness and trepidation. Truthfully, Remus knew this. His cooking wasn't bad, per se. It just… wasn't Saturday Night Dinner good. 

"I would've put it a bit nicer, but sure." James smirked, turning away from them again to check something on the stove.

Lily grinned, "I'm not sleeping with him. I don't have to be nice to him." 

Remus sank down into the chair next to her, feeling the tension he had been dragging around all week finally begin to leave him. He loved the familiarity of this. The playful banter, the teasing looks Lily shot them both, James -who was by far the best cook of them all- moving around the kitchen with a sort of grace that couldn't be applied to him in any other situation. 

Three hours earlier Remus had stormed out of a restaurant in one of the more affluent parts of London. The meeting he had just had with Gilderoy Lockhart's manager, Albus Dumbledore, had been nothing more than a very expensive patronizing, and even though it was only Thursday, he was more than ready for the week to be over. 

Gilderoy wasn't a big fan of Remus and neither was Albus, but he got the job done and so they put up with him. Remus wasn't entirely sure why he put up with them, though. Probably because Gilderoy had built up enough of a reputation around London that finding Remus' replacement would be difficult, and as much as Remus loathed him, he was still practically a kid at only 21. He didn't have it in him to just throw Gilderoy out to the sharks and watch him tank his career as he would surely do if left unsupervised. 

Albus, however, could burn in hell for all Remus cared. He hated the man with an intensity he didn't even know he had in him, and especially hated these 'business luncheons' that Albus insisted on having once every month. He'd thankfully been able to evade them while on tour with Sirius, but Albus hadn't been very pleased about that.

"Well," Albus had said, with a somber expression, "At least now that you're off Black's team, you can give Gilderoy the attention he deserves."

As if Remus hadn't been in contact with them both almost every single day he had been out of London.

Fuck the man, honestly. 

Remus had grumpily unloaded all of this on Lily as soon as he got here over a bottle of wine that would've been shared had Lily been able to consume alcohol. Remus, however, wasn't complaining. He was more than happy and capable of finishing it by himself as they got caught up and waited for James to come home.

Lily was, in many ways, Remus' best friend. He loved her just as much as he loved James, but had never been inclined towards her romantically or sexually. He sometimes wondered about it though. If the two of them as something more might ever work, but he was unable to see Lily as anything other than a sister and Remus was sure that she felt the same way about him, viewing him as a brother. 

"Have you two finally come to an agreement on baby names?" Remus asked, drawing himself back to the present. As he knew they would, both James and Lily immediately perked up, wide toothy grins plastering themselves on their faces.

"Rose, if it's a girl." Lily said, "Carrying on my parents' tradition." 

Remus hummed, smiling softly as Lily's expression became tinged with a bit of sadness. Her mother had passed when Lily was still in college and her father only three years later. 

The 'tradition' in question referred to both Lily and her sister, Petunia, being named after flowers. 

"Harry if it's a boy. Lily wouldn't go for Elvendork."

Lily's head fell to her hands, sighing in exasperation at the reminder of something she had clearly been trying to forget. Remus stifled his laugh as James went on to explain why he felt Elvendork was a good name for his child, and the worst part was that Remus had no actual clue just how serious James was being. 

This was James, so Remus really wasn't putting it past him to be 100% serious. 

Thank God the kid had Lily. 

"Harry's good." Remus said. James glared, utter betrayal flashing in his eyes as he placed a hand over his heart. 

"I know you said you didn't want to talk about this, Remus," Lily said, turning her full attention back to him, "But your parents called us."

Remus groaned. Of course they had. He felt a bit guilty, he had genuinely forgotten to call them himself. But a bigger part of him had simply just not wanted to, and he had -wrongly- convinced himself that ignoring their many, many calls was the best plan of action. 

"You need to call them. Or at least text them." Lily said, "They're just worried."

"They're always worried." Remus noted, which was true. His parents antagonized over his every decision. They were still convinced him moving to London had been the biggest mistake of his life, despite Remus doing incredibly well for himself career-wise.

An incoming call on Remus' phone drew his attention, and he picked it up swiftly, grateful for any excuse not to further this conversation. 

Alice's voice came through on the other end, "Remus? You there?"

"Alice?"

"Oh you picked up. I know Saturday's are busy for you. I'm so sorry to do this to you right now," She said, "I have a favor to ask of you. Have you heard from Sirius at all?

"Umm…" Remus frowned, "Not since Mary's interview? What's going on?" 

Alice sighed, and Remus' chest seized in fear. Lily was watching now, having heard the panic in Remus' voice. 

Had something happened? Was Sirius okay?

"It's Regulus," Alice said quietly, "He's dying, Remus. Stage four cancer. It's aggressive. The doctors have given him six months."

"What?" 

That couldn't be right. They had seen Regulus just last week and he'd been fine. 

Had he been though? Remus thought back to their early morning conversation. The fact that Regulus had been awake at all, out drinking instead of in bed asleep. The way he had looked particularly haunted as Remus had joined him. 

Remus' heart sank.

"Listen, I'm worried about Sirius. I wouldn't ask this of you unless I had to, Remus, but can you maybe go to him? Caradoc and I are out of town, and Marlene is still shooting out in Vancouver. You're close to him."

Oh. No.

"I'm really not." Remus said. His tongue felt heavy, his brain still reeling from the news, "I'm sure I'm the last person he wants to see right now, Alice."

"Please, Remus. He sounded… really bad. You know how he gets." 

He did know. He'd seen. 

But still… 

Remus glanced at Lily and James, both of whom had completely turned their attention to him. Worried faces he was sure mirrored his own stared at him. 

"Okay," he said. 

Because whatever Sirius was going through right now was more important than whatever confusion Remus felt towards him and their… situation. 

"Thank you, Remus. I owe you one." 

* * *

"Do you want me to wait for you?" The driver asked, glancing back. Remus took a moment to think it over. The knots in his stomach had returned tenfold and he wanted nothing more than to just give up on whatever he was doing here and head back to James and Lily's. 

They'd been more than understanding when he explained what was going on, practically pushing him out the door and dismissing his apologies at having to cancel.

"No." He said, "I'm staying the night."

Remus got out and made the short walk up to the front gates. He'd been here before and he knew the pass code to get in, but it still felt weird to just… walk in, especially since Sirius probably wasn't expecting him. 

He pressed the buzzer and folded his arms across himself. He didn't have to wait long. There was a soft click as the gate was released and began to slide open. Remus took a deep breath to steady himself and walked in, ignoring the dread creeping up on him as the gate closed and locked behind him, effectively trapping him in here with Sirius and about a million unsaid things between them. 

Stop. He told himself. This isn't about you. You're here for Sirius. 

As Remus walked up the pathway, the front door swung open and Sirius stepped out. He looked… worse, than Remus had thought he would, and Remus' heart immediately sank as he took him in. 

"What're you doing here?" Sirius demanded gruffly, "At eleven in the night?"

"Alice called me." Remus said. 

Sirius blinked, but his face revealed nothing of what he was actually feeling. He was leaning against the doorway, wearing his signature ripped jeans slung low on his hips and a plain white t-shirt that was wrinkly enough Remus assumed he had just grabbed it and threw it on 5 seconds ago. 

His hair was tousled, and not in the purposefully low effort way Sirius usually styled it, but as if he had simply rolled out of bed and not so much as brushed it in two days. 

"Sirius." Remus said, his voice sounding hollow, "Are you okay?"

Remus regretted it as soon as he asked. It was a stupid question. Of course Sirius wasn't okay. Damn Alice. What was Remus actually supposed to do right now?

"I'm sorry. About Regulus. I know… I know how much he means to you."

"He's not dead yet." 

Fuck. 

"I know that." 

"You came all this way for that?"

" _No_." Remus said, "I came all this way to be here for you."

Sirius laughed bitterly, "Last time we talked, Lupin, you made it very clear you didn't want to be 'here for me'"

"That was different. That was… I'm here as a friend."

"We're friends?" Sirius asked, a single brow quirked and a small humorless glint in his eye, and Remus faltered. Were they? 

They had been. Before the tour. That was then. What were they now?

"I want to be your friend." Remus asserted, "I want to be here for you. You need someone. No offense, but you look like shit right now." 

A moment of silence hovered in the air between them, and then Sirius stepped aside just enough that Remus recognized his unspoken invitation inside. 

He went. 

* * *

"Where's Moody?" Remus asked. Moody was Sirius' personal security detail.

"Gave him the night off. Kreacher too." Sirius said. 

Kreacher was his housekeeper. An older man with a perpetually grumpy face who had worked for the Black's when Sirius and Regulus were kids. Remus had only met Kreacher a handful of times, and had never understood why Sirius seemed so fond of the man. To Remus, Kreacher was the stuff of nightmares. 

Nevertheless, he kept the house spotless and prevented Sirius from having to do any of the 'adulting' part of being an adult, and so he was here to stay. 

"Kreacher went out?" 

"Visiting his daughter." Sirius said, "Moody's upstairs. Managed to get him to finally leave me the fuck alone around nine."

Remus gave him a small smile, "He cares about you."

"He's a pest." Sirius grumbled. 

Moody was much more approachable than Kreacher. At least he was, once you got to know him. He was a retired police officer and had lost an eye in an accident he never spoke about. He was loud and rough around the edges and looked as though he could easily strangle a man using only two of his fingers. 

Remus looked around. They were in the living room, where Sirius had evidently been when Remus showed up outside. There was a half empty bottle of wine on the coffee table and Sirius' guitar was leaning against the sectional. Several scattered notebook pages were laying haphazardly around the area. 

"You've been working?" Remus asked, eyeing them. 

Sirius shrugged, "Might as well. I couldn't sleep. And it's better than wallowing in my own sadness. You can tell Alice that, by the way, when she calls. That I wasn't slicing myself up in the bathroom. Or drinking myself into oblivion."

Remus paled, "Sirius."

"That's why you're here right? She made you come play babysitter?" Sirius raised a brow, as if daring Remus to contradict him.

"Fine," Remus said, "Alice called and she was worried about you, so I came. Not because she made me but because I actually care about you, Sirius-"

"You said-"

"Just because I didn't think us having sex was a good idea doesn't mean I don't care about you!" Remus huffed.

Sirius pressed his lips together and looked away. 

Remus sighed, "Maybe I should just go."

"Maybe you should." 

Remus admitted to himself he had expected Sirius to argue with him, to tell him to stay. He deflated at the way Sirius refused to meet his eyes as he walked over to the front door and opened it. 

He knew he would catch hell from Alice for walking through that door. He'd promised her he would be here, and stay. But what was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? He and Sirius weren't friends. They'd been on good terms with each other, while working together. He'd seen the man naked and spent almost every night for three months sleeping next to him. 

Did that constitute friendship? Did he even want to be friends? Sirius was hurting. It basically radiated off of him right then. Regulus meant the world to him, and somehow Remus' comfort was supposed to make him feel better about the fact that his brother was dying? How the fuck was anything he did supposed to be of any help?

He closed the gap between Sirius and himself, and just as he was about the walk out the door, Sirius' eyes raised up and pinned Remus to the spot. 

He had spent so many nights looking into those eyes. Those stormy grey eyes that pierced through Remus' soul, that left him grappling desperately for anything to keep him afloat as he got lost in them.

Something went off in his brain. He wasn't sure what it was, but whatever it was, it robbed him of whatever little bit of rationale he had left, which wasn't much to begin with when it came to Sirius Black.

And he was selfish. God he was so selfish, to be doing this right now.

But he grabbed the front of Sirius' shirt and pulled him flush against his own body anyway, his hands going up to the back of Sirius' neck as their lips found each other's in a rough, uncoordinated kiss.

Remus' ability to keep track of time left him. All that registered then was the feel of Sirius' mouth on his own, the taste of cigarettes and alcohol on his tongue, the way Sirius' mouth worked expertly against Remus'. In that moment, nothing else seemed to exist. He was vaguely aware of the door slamming shut behind him, and of movement as Sirius walked him backwards until he was pressed against the wall, trapping Remus between the plaster and the heat of Sirius' body. 

It was intoxicating, this. The feel of Sirius' hands stripping Remus of his clothes bit by bit, and of Remus peeling Sirius' t-s hirt off and then pressing his hands against the hard muscle underneath. 

Remus pushed off the wall and turned them so Sirius was now against it instead. Their kiss becoming more frantic, more desperate by the second. Remus hadn't known how much he had missed it. How much he had craved being like this. How had he gone so long -since _Madrid_ \- without this? 

His hands worked quickly at the button and zipper on Sirius jeans, and was pleased to find that there was no underwear underneath. Remus broke the kiss, earning a small whine of indignation from Sirius who chased his lips almost immediately after they were gone. 

Remus smirked, and sank to his knees.

This, he could do. He didn't have the right words. He knew that there were no right words. Nothing he said could fix what was happening, or about to happen. The impending darkness lurking over Sirius with the news of Regulus' diagnosis. The knowledge that the new year would most likely not see Regulus alive. He could not fix that. 

But he could do this. He could take Sirius' mind off of it. He could help steady him just a little. 

Sirius' fingers tangled in Remus' hair, and the breathy moan he let out, Remus' name playing on his lips over and over like a broken record, almost made the fact that Remus knew he was walking straight into a fire worth it. 

* * *

Remus woke, naked, and alone, in Sirius' bed.

The alarm clock on the bedside table said 3:17 AM, and though he distinctly remembered Sirius falling asleep next to him, he was now nowhere to be found. 

Sitting up, Remus rubbed the remaining bits of tiredness out of his eyes, blinking into the darkness of Sirius' room. The clothes that had made it this far were strewn carelessly across the floor, and he didn't even bother picking it up as he got out of the bed. Instead, he helped himself to one of Sirius' robes which were hanging on the wall near his closet.

He found Sirius downstairs, his guitar in his hand. A slow melodic sound hit Remus' ears as he approached. Remus stopped, mesmerised, and for a few minutes he simply watched.

Sirius was singing, the words too low for Remus to really recognize them. It didn't sound like anything Remus was familiar with. It certainly didn't sound like something Sirius would typically sing. 

This sounded more… heartfelt. Something about it made Remus feel as though he were intruding on a private moment, witnessing something that wasn't meant for him. But he was transfixed. 

He had seen Sirius perform countless times. On stages in front of millions of people, in studio's with an audience of maybe 10. Even to himself, on long plane rides to and from different destinations.

This was different. 

Sirius' back was to him, and they were illuminated only by the fireplace, which Remus realized too late cast his shadow on the wall across from them. 

He jolted when Sirius stopped abruptly, placing his guitar down and turning so his eyes were fixed on Remus.

"Are you gonna stand there all night?" He asked, a smirk playing on his lips. 

"Sorry," Remus flushed, "Just… you were playing."

Sirius smiled, "Do you have a thing for my guitar? You always stare when I'm playing it." 

"I have a thing for _you_." Remus corrected. He crossed the short distance between them. Sirius watched as he did, and when he was close enough, reached out a hand that Remus readily accepted. 

Sirius pulled him into his lap, and Remus went happily, the loose knot on the robe slipping out and leaving the front of his still naked body exposed. Sirius inhaled sharply, and Remus was hyper aware of the contrast in their states of dress, Sirius having tugged on sweats and a black t-shirt sometime before coming down here. 

"Is this real?" Sirius murmured, his index finger tracing absentminded patterns on Remus' shoulder. Remus hummed softly, leaning into the touch.

"As real as it can be for the next 3 hours." He replied softly.

"What happens in three hours?"

Remus laughed gently. He cupped Sirius' face, pressing their lips together in a slow, languid kiss, unlike the frenzied ones they had shared earlier. 

"In three hours…" Remus said, "I have to go to work, and act like this never happened so Alice doesn't skin me alive."

"You're way too afraid of Alice and Minnie." Sirius groused.

"Not afraid," Remus grinned, "Just… self preserving. Sex was probably not what she meant when she told me to 'check on you'."

He doubted Alice even meant for Remus to stay the night, even as Remus had convinced himself that she had so he had an excuse to do just that. This was probably supposed to have been a 15 minute check in at most. Not… whatever the fuck it had turned into. 

Sirius had switched his focus, and was now tracing Remus' collarbone with his mouth, sucking just hard enough that Remus was fully aware his intention was to leave a visible mark. 

He couldn't bring himself to care, and he really didn't want him to stop.

Instead, he found himself breathless once more, lost in the sensation that was Sirius Black. He was grateful that Sirius chose not to push the subject any further. He didn't want to argue.

They still had three hours left before Remus had to find himself back at his own apartment. So for now, he allowed himself to be dragged back into the fire, going willingly. 

His last thought before coherency completely abandoned him, was that if Minnie did find out about this, at least he would die a very happy man.

* * *

Afterwards, as they lay entangled in each other on the couch, Remus turned to Sirius and asked the question he had came here to ask.

"How are you?" 

It was a simple enough question, but Sirius tensed and flinched away from him, almost as though it hurt him to be asked. Remus grabbed his arm and held him, refusing to let him go. 

"I don't want to talk about that." Sirius said.

"Tough luck," Remus quipped, and then he sighed, shifting so that they were facing each other. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of Sirius' face.

He was so beautiful. But his eyes were as haunted as ever. 

"Talk to me, Siri." He pleaded softly. 

Sirius' eyes narrowed and he looked almost offended, " _Not fair_. You can't… nickname me when I'm all sexed up and vulnerable. Was that your plan all along?"

Remus smiled but didn't respond, instead waiting for Sirius to actually answer his question, knowing full well that he was trying to deflect.

It took a while. They were silent for so long Remus began to wonder if Sirius planned to answer at all. And then-

"He's dying, Remus." 

Remus' heart broke, the amount of pain Sirius was in evident in the way the words strained past his lips. 

"He's dying. And I can't stop it." 

"I'm so sorry, Sirius." Remus said. He immediately regretted it. It felt so… weak. But what else could he say? What other assurance could he give? 

"The wedding's been moved up." Sirius said, "To next month. I'm meant to be his best man." 

Remus wanted to ask about Elaine. He couldn't imagine what she was feeling. Had she known? When they were there last week? 

If she had, she hadn't looked like it. She'd been just as bubbly and smiling as she always was. But then again, Remus hadn't paid much attention to her. 

He didn't ask though. Sirius was dealing with his own hell at the moment. It felt cruel to ask him to share someone else's on top of that. 

Instead, he held Sirius as a violent shudder shook his entire body. He was crying. Sobbing, was more like it. The sound broke Remus, and he found himself crying as well. He didn't feel like he knew Regulus well enough to cry, but he kept picturing the man he had saw just last week. The one Sirius always talked so fondly of. And he couldn't connect that to someone who was dying. 

He held Sirius, even as time began to creep up on them, as the light outside began to overtake the darkness, and Remus knew he was meant to be leaving for work. But he didn't care. Sirius needed him, and so he would stay.

* * *

The next day, only when Remus knew for certain that he couldn't avoid calling his parents any longer, lest he risk them getting on the next flight out from Wales and confronting him in person, did he pick up the phone and dial their house number.  The conversation was as pleasant as Remus had expected it to be, which is to say that it was not pleasant at all. 

He loved his parents, he really did. He did not like the way they always grilled him for information about his life. But he suffered through it anyway, knowing that it was the least he deserved after ignoring them for almost a week. 

Had it really only been a week? Remus' body felt drained, as though he'd been wading through this mess for over a month. 

And to make it even worse, he now had an issue he'd thought he'd already had figured out back with a vengeance.

His attraction to Sirius was obviously not going anywhere, and Remus didn't know what to make of that. He had no clearer answers for how to proceed than he did last week, except now whatever he felt was accompanied by the guilt over actively lying as opposed to just omitting some truths.  Alice had greeted him that morning with a thank you card and a box of Remus' favorite chocolates, as well as the promise to treat him to drinks one evening. The scarf Remus' wore had slipped for a fraction of a second, but it was more than enough time for Caradoc to notice the hickeys Sirius had left on his neck. 

"Stayed over at James' last night," He'd blurted out, "After I left Sirius'."

Caradoc had been satisfied with that answer, leaving Remus to adjust the scarf and proceed with wallowing in his own self judgement.  His parents finally let him hang up the phone, after his 5th insistence that he had to get back to work, which was true. He did have work to do. Gideon and Fabian had a concert coming up on Saturday. It would be small, as was their style. Remus' anticipated maybe 500 people at the venue, given that it wasn't very spacious and had only been announced this morning, giving those who wished to attend just over 48 hours to make plans. 

Gideon and Fabian specialized in these kinds of pop up events. It maintained a sort of mystery around their image, one that Remus was learning had less to do with their desire to appear enigmatic and more to do with their genuine dislike of the fame that naturally came with being as talented as they were.  He routinely wondered why they'd chosen to pursue music professionally at all, but they were having fun, he liked them, and he was paid well for doing what essentially amounted to nothing, so he didn't question them too much.

He couldn't focus though, and so he took an early lunch break, sending a quick text to James as he punched the call button for the elevator, expressing his frustration.

Less than a minute later James was calling him. 

"What's wrong?" He asked. 

"I slept with Sirius last night," Remus replied curtly, doing a quick sweep of his surroundings, "Twice."

James hesitated for a second before replying cautiously, "That's… not good?" 

"No, James!" Remus groaned. He buried his face in his hands. The elevator doors opened and Remus stepped in.

"I lied to Alice, and Caradoc, because Sirius left a fucking hickey and Caradoc saw it. If Minnie had asked I would've lied to her too." Remus knew he was rambling, but couldn't help himself. The elevator doors slipped shut, leaving him alone with his horrible life choices and an unhelpful boyfriend on the other end of the phone call.

Remus sighed, leaning against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut.

"I like him," He admitted lowly, "I really like him, James. And I don't know what to do." 

"Do you want my advice or do you just need to vent about it?" James asked. 

"I would just like to vent. But I would also really appreciate advice." Remus said, even as he knew he would regret asking for it. 

"I think you should see him again." James said. When Remus was quiet, James continued. 

"I know you told Minerva that you wouldn't. But the rules only forbid relationships for clients. Sirius isn't your client." James said. Remus huffed. This was technically true. It was a loophole. He wouldn't be fired for dating Sirius, or even just sleeping with him. It may be frowned upon, but Remus was a bisexual polyamorous man. He had been frowned upon his entire life.

"You're an adult. Sirius is an adult. Maybe whatever the two of you have is just… a spark. Maybe it's just a flame that needs to be fanned until it eventually dies out and the two of you go your separate ways." James said, "Or, it could be more." 

This was the part Remus was afraid of. More was… more was fucking terrifying. 

"God, why can't you just be a normal boyfriend and tell me not to talk to other guys." Remus complained, smiling. He heard James' soft laughing response.

"Sorry," James apologized, "Not what you signed up for."

"Yeah, well, we should re-think that. You can't be out here giving me good advice like this."

"I know you don't want to put yourself out there," James said. His voice had softened now, "But you can't hide forever, Remus." 

And he knew James was right. Of course James was right. He'd been right when he'd said the same thing last week. He'd been right every time he'd said this to Remus after Remus ended yet another relationship before even giving it a real chance. 

"I love you." Remus said, "So much."

"I love you too, Rem."

"Come to Gid and Fab's concert with me on Saturday." 

He hadn't actually planned to say that last part, but he didn't regret it. He wanted to see James again, after their dinner had been cut short. 

"I'd love to. Lily's having some of her friends over on Saturday anyway." James said. He sounded much more jovial now, and Remus was happy for the way their conversation so easily switched. He'd had enough of the heavy for one day. _For one lifetime._

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I only know Dorcas, but it's a whole brood of them coming over apparently. They're going to fawn over baby stuff." 

James said 'fawn over baby stuff' as though he didn't periodically go up to the nursery to do the exact same thing. Remus laughed but didn't remind him of that, choosing to spare what little was left of James' masculine pride.

"So I'll see you on Saturday then?" Remus asked, "You can spend the night at mines." 

He let the promise of something more linger between them. He and James hadn't had much time to themselves since Remus had been back, and they hadn't had sex since in what was approaching three months, which was far too long in Remus' opinion. Thankfully, James felt the same.

Remus could practically hear the grin on James' face as he confirmed, and he ended the call with a smile. Maybe the week might still be salvageable.

* * *

Saturday night rolled in faster than Remus had expected it to. He got dressed, toeing the line of what was appropriate for work -as he would technically be working tonight- and what was likely to make his boyfriend _very_ happy to see him. 

The taxi dropped him off at the park and he sent James a quick text letting him know he was there. James wouldn't be here for another hour or so, which would still give them about another hour of free time before the concert actually began. 

It had taken the coordinated efforts of Remus, three other employees at Gryffindor, as well as the twins' manager, to keep their names trending on social media all day. They wanted to create a buzz, just enough that people knew what was happening, but not enough that they knew what to expect. From what Remus could see as time trickled by, they had succeeded. The area nearest to the stage was almost completely swamped by bodies, several of whom had set up blankets and lawn chairs and were eagerly awaiting what would happen next. 

James arrived, and Remus pulled them out of sight of the crowd to greet him properly. 

"Happy to see me then?" James teased as Remus finished his first round of assaulting his lips.

Remus grinned in response, already breathless and buzzing with excitement, as he had long since accepted would be his permanent state of being when with James, "Always,"

They were basically right back to where they had been in college, their movements rushed and frenzied, keeping as quiet as they could be to not draw unwanted attention. They were secluded. No one would see them here, and the dark setting afforded another layer of invisibility.

As James fumbled with Remus' belt, the adult part of Remus' brain was aware that he hadn't intended for his greeting to go this far, but James hands were on him, and Remus couldn't really think when that was happening, so he just let himself go with it.

The concert and the fact that he was working were nothing but a distant thought in his mind.

This, Remus decided, was much more important.

* * *

The set list lasted for about 3 hours, and when it was over and Remus was officially released from his duties for the night, the first thing he did was call an taxi. 

As they waited, Remus noticed James had gotten a look in his eye. A bit distant… almost like he was avoiding something. His hand was at the small of Remus' back, keeping their bodies close together, and Remus could feel it radiating off of James even as he knew his boyfriend was trying to hide it.

"You've always sucked at keeping things from me, James." He sighed, tilting his head up to press a kiss to James' cheek, "What's wrong?"

James huffed out a little laugh, but avoided looking at Remus directly, "I wanted to tell you when you came over for dinner, but then you got that call and had to leave. And I was trying not to ruin our date."

"Nothing you said could ruin our date." Remus assured him. Then he pulled away slightly, "Unless you're breaking up with me. That _would_ ruin our date."

James laughed, "No. I'm not. Never." 

"Then what's wrong?"

"I didn't want you to think it was your fault-"

"James, you are starting to scare me."

"...I got removed as the junior rugby coach." He whispered, head hanging low. Even though he wasn't looking at Remus, Remus could hear the dejection in his voice. 

"Oh, _James_ …"

He'd been coaching his neighborhoods junior rugby team for years. Remus didn't know anything about sports and certainly didn't understand the attraction of a game where there were people hurdling towards you at full force at any given moment, but James loved it. And he'd loved coaching. 

"Some of the parents found out and kicked up a storm. They didn't want my 'lifestyle' influencing their kids. I'm actually not sure if it's being pan or being poly that did it for them." James' attempt at humor did nothing to ease Remus' guilt.

"I-" his first instinct was to apologize, because of course it was his fault. He was the reason James' name had been put out there. But as soon as the first syllable left his mouth, James had a hand up and was shaking his head. 

" _Don't_." James said, "You asked how much I was comfortable putting out there and I told you I wasn't ashamed of you. I'm still not. I never will be. I don't care who knows."

"You loved coaching, James. Won't you miss it?"

"Of course I'll miss it. But I would miss you more if I lost you. _C'mon_ , Remus, do you really think you come in second to rugby and a bunch of snot nosed kids? Soon enough I'll have a whole rugby team of my own anyway."

Remus offered a small smile at that, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. James captured his chin between his fingers and gently urged his head up until their eyes were locked.

"I love you," He said firmly, and the sincerity in his expression made Remus' heart ache, "There is nothing that could ever change that."

He had no reply to that, so he settled for kissing James instead, attempting to convey through that what he couldn't put into words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aghhh this chapter gave me all the feels to write/edit. There was angst, some random bits of fluff, some steamy stuff. We had it all lol. If you leave kudos and comments I'll love you forever <3\. Let me know your favorite parts and what you think the next step for Remus and Sirius will be!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, risks are worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's only Friday night and technically the update day for this fic is Saturday, but this has been sitting in my drafts for the entire week and honestly I was more than ready to send it out into the world, so here it is.   
> This is... sort of a filler chapter? But also not really? Definitely not as plot intense as other chapters, but it's cute and I like it. I hope you do, as well :)

On Monday, Remus used his lunch break to take a walk. 

He didn't go far, just down the street, far enough from the building that his co-workers were unlikely to see him get into the back of the car that was parked there waiting for him. 

Remus slipped in quickly, glancing around at his surroundings, a small part of his brain aware of how theatrical it all was, but knowing that for what he was about to do, there really was nothing as 'too safe.'

The door closed behind him, and Remus gave himself half a second to really run this through one last time, before he turned around and was face to face with Sirius. 

He wore dark sunglasses, so Remus couldn't see his eyes, and he mourned it for a beat before Sirius smiled at him and his attention shifted to Sirius’ lips. That smile. The one that he had flashed the first the night they had hooked up. The one that made Remus forget everything and anything else.

"Hi." Sirius said. It was tentative, as though he hadn't yet fully let himself believe this was happening. 

Remus felt the same way. 

"Hi." He whispered back, and was rewarded with Sirius' smile widening. Glancing out the window, Remus saw the usual hustle and bustle of the London rush hour going on around them, but inside this car, it felt as though time had slowed down completely. No one could see into the car through the tinted windows. He and Sirius existed in their own little world here.

So Remus did the only thing he could really think to do, and leaned in to kiss Sirius.

He knew Moody was in the car as well, albeit separated from them by the privacy window, but he still didn't want to push that limit. And anyway, he hadn't come here for a make out session, although he was sure Sirius wouldn't object if that's what ended up happening. 

One of them had to be the mature one, even though Remus very much did not want it to be him. He pulled away, leaving Sirius looking just a little bit dazed and very put out and Remus having stopped kissing him. Sirius licked his lips, and before he could object, Remus reached up and pulled off Sirius' sunglasses, which at this point were just straight up offensive. He needed to see Sirius' eyes. 

Except…

"Were you crying?" Remus demanded, lust quickly replaced by concern. It came out a bit more forcefully than he had intended it to. Remus shifted closer to Sirius, reaching a hand up to gently caress his face, which was paler than usual and tinged pink under Remus' scrutiny. His eyes were red, dark circles underneath them. But he didn't try to hide it, or turn away from Remus' examination.

"When was the last time you slept?" Remus asked, "Sirius. You could've called me." 

He meant it. If Sirius had called, he would've gone right to him.

"Didn't wanna bother you." Sirius murmured. He squeezed his eyes shut, blinking rapidly as if that would make it any better, and leaned his head back against the window behind him. 

Remus let his hand drop, gripping Sirius' hand instead.

"How is he?" Remus asked. He'd not heard much from Alice or Caradoc, and he hadn't had it in him to ask either. He felt now that he should've, instead of making Sirius tell him. He’d clearly had Regulus’ condition on his mind enough as it was.

Sirius laughed bitterly, confirming Remus’ suspicion, "He's Regulus. Proud, stubborn… he swears he's okay, but…"

Remus sighed, and shifted even closer, pulling Sirius into a hug. 

"He's throwing himself into wedding planning." Sirius said, "Distracting himself from the fact that he's fucking dying."

Remus wanted to point out that Sirius often did the same thing when he was upset. The last time Sirius’ parents had kicked up a storm in his life, Sirius had all but locked himself in his studio, spending entire days and nights writing and recording and doing anything but facing Orion and Walburga head on.

“He’s fucking dying and he wants me to focus on a  _ wedding _ .” Sirius spat out the word as though weddings were now the very bane of his existence, and Remus wouldn’t be shocked if he’d spend the rest of his life hating them.

“It’s not just any wedding.” Remus reminded him gently, rubbing small circles into his shoulders, “It’s Regulus’ wedding. Your little brother. He’s getting married, and it’s gonna be the happiest day of his life.”

“His life that’s going to be too fucking short.” Sirius replied, his voice thick with emotion, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he dies, Rem. The doctors say there’s nothing else they can do.”

There was a long silence where they simply sat and held each other, before Remus summoned the courage to ask the dreaded question that he’d been avoiding for so long. But he knew he had to ask.

“How much time?”

Sirius sighed, “Five months. Maybe less. He’s known since before I went on tour, but he didn’t want me to cancel or have anything else on my mind. Fucking  _ idiot _ .”

Remus pulled Sirius in closer, trying desperately to hold him together as he fell to pieces in his arms, wanting to tell him that everything would be all right, Regulus would be all right, they would be all right. Remus wasn’t entirely sure how much time passed with them like that. Sirius had a funny way of making time cease to exist or matter whenever you were around him. Remus never grew tired of it.

After a while though, with the impending end of Remus’ lunch break to think of, Sirius pulled back a bit and asked, “So, you called for this meeting.”

He still looked exhausted and pained, but he gave Remus a small trying smile.

Gesturing around the car with a short laugh, Remus said, “It’s hardly a meeting.”

“Yes, I prefer the conference rooms at Gryffindor. Much more room, plus great food.”

“That’s all you’re with us for, right? Our food?”

“Well,” Sirius smirked, “Their employees aren’t bad, either.”

Remus flushed under the intensity of Sirius’ gaze. He was practically melting in this suddenly too-small car.

He cleared his throat with a quick cough and diverted the conversation back on track, "What you said at the interview with Mary…"

"About you and James?"

"No," Remus said quickly, "About… about us. Well,  _ me _ ."

Sirius frowned, clearly not following, and Remus took a deep breath and willed himself to just say what he wanted to say instead of stalling.

"I don't want to be your friend." Remus blurted out, cheeks immediately reddening as Sirius’ face fell. He groaned, "No.  _ No _ , I don't mean… Sirius, you called me a 'good friend' but I don't want to be... _ just _ a good friend. Not with you. I- I want-"

"Hey," Sirius shushed him, cradling Remus' face in his hands and gently turning it so Remus was looking at him again. Sirius was grinning, his eyes regaining that familiar sparkle that hadn't been there earlier.

"Really?" Sirius asked softly, as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Remus tried to summon a smile, "Yes. Sirius. Really. I want… if you still want to… I want to give this,  _ us _ , a try. A  _ real _ try."

"Remus." 

Remus felt himself blushing again. Just from the way Sirius said his name, like it was the most beautiful thing that had ever graced his tongue. Remus almost wanted to turn away, just to hide his reaction, but Sirius seemed to anticipate that and tightened his hold on Remus' jaw, refusing to let him go. Remus found he didn’t really want to be let go.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you." Remus admitted, “I was a mess, it’s so stupid.”

Sirius’ grin was out in full force now, looking entirely too pleased with this information, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, either. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist my charm forever.”

“Is your ‘charm’ just your over-inflated ego? Because-”

Sirius lurched forward and cut off the rest of Remus’ quip with another kiss. Somehow, despite the hundreds of kisses they’d shared between them the past few months, this one felt the best. It was the most… real. This one felt like it was actually the beginning of _something_ , something that Remus could let himself look forward to. But, as fate would have it, they were pulled out of their moment by Remus’ phone, which started ringing loudly.

He pulled back reluctantly and yanked the cell out of his pocket, rolling his eyes and ignoring Sirius’ amusement as he answered with an annoyed huff.

“I’m on my way to Gryffindor.” Lockhart said breezily.

Remus jolted upright, running through his calendar, “What? Why?”

“Have you not heard?” Gilderoy asked. He sounded positively delighted.

“We may have a bit of an issue.”

* * *

Ten minutes later, Remus was barging into the conference room at the top of Gryffindor, his face red and his head spinning. His clocked Gilderoy, sitting near the window, feet plucked up onto the table, idly twirling a pen between his fingertips. Remus had never wanted to knock someone in their jaw as badly as he wanted to right then.

“What,” He seethed, “The _ fuck _ , Gilderoy.”

Gilderoy looked as though there were a million other things which he cared about more at that moment, which only added onto Remus' anger, because his otherwise not busy day had just been ruined because Gilderoy’s leaked nudes were plastered all over the internet as they spoke.

“Trending number one on Twitter,” An intern perked up from where he’d been seated, “It’s mostly… positive, though? I suppose, as positive as you could get with leaked nudes.”

“Well can you blame the people?” Gilderoy asked with a manic sort of grin, “I look fucking amazing.”

Remus really wanted to punch him. To stop himself from doing so, he stalked over to the intern and grabbed the tablet out of his hands, scrolling through the hashtag. 

“When did you take these? _Why_ did you take these?” Remus asked. He had not ever wanted to see Gilderoy naked. Ever.

“A couple days ago? Maybe?” Gilderoy said. He seemed unaffected. If anything, he was basically preening, the smug bastard.

“Have we contacted his studio? What are they saying?” Remus asked, tuning out Gilderoy to listen as yet another intern materialized next to them and briefed him on the situation, so far.

“There are petitions up for Mr. Lockhart to be fired, and his role recast.” They said, “People aren’t happy.”

“Well of bloody course they aren’t happy!” Remus exploded, “Their family friendly sitcom’s lead actor’s fucking dick is being re-posted all over fucking twitter as we speak!” 

“It _is_ a good dick though.” 

“Gilderoy,” Remus turned to him, clasping his hands in front of him in a praying motion and wondering how many codes of ethics he was about to violate, “Please. Shut the fuck up, for once in your fucking life.” 

Gilderoy seemed to not have been expecting this, he clearly was not used to being spoken to in this matter, and Remus couldn’t find it within himself to care that he was cursing out the kid he’d practically raised. Not right now, anyway.

“Get me on a call with the studio, I-”

“I don’t want the job back.” Gilderoy interrupted. The intern who had been dialing a number stopped mid-way, eyes darting between Remus and Gilderoy with trepidation.

“You- _what?_ ” Remus spluttered, “Why the fuck not?”

Actually, Remus could think of a lot of reasons why Gilderoy -or anyone with a modicum of self respect, really- would not want this job back. But he didn’t care about any of those right then. His brain was in damage control mode, and this was a very big damage that needed immediate controlling.

“I’ve decided to quit acting.” Gilderoy said, “I’ve thought it over, and realized that I actually really fucking hate it.”

“You- what?” Remus repeated, “You’re not making any sense.”

“ _I hate it_. I hate it all, the people, the press conferences, the interviews, the snide remarks about me everywhere I turn. If it’s not the way I dress, it’s the people I choose to keep in my company, the way I decide to spend my money, the people I want to fuck- your boyfriend had the right idea, Remus, being gay and in the public eye is a fucking disaster. I hate it. I want none of it.”

Remus stood, rooted to the spot, unable to find a decent response to what Gilderoy was saying. All he could do was stare, his brain struggling to play catch up, and slowly, he noticed several things.

Gilderoy’s feet were no longer up on the table, though when he’d taken them down Remus wasn’t sure. His shoulders were slumped, almost as though something weighed down on them. He was chewing at his bottom lip, a nervous tic he’d had for as long as Remus had known him, and there was something in his eyes reminiscent of… sadness? Whatever it was, it wasn't the cocky pride he'd had a few minutes ago.

Remus wasn’t sure what to do with Gilderoy being sad. He’d seen the man passed out drunk in a pool of his own vomit, but sadness was… very new, very unfamiliar territory.

“Guys,” He said, turning to his interns, “Please give us a moment.”

The first intern seemed to want to argue, seeming much more interested in what was happening inside the room, but after a glare from Remus, they were following behind the second, the door closing shut behind them.

Remus walked over to Gilderoy, who had now turned so he was looking out the window, over the city. Remus waited.

“You know I never really wanted to do this?” Gilderoy eventually asked softly, “I never wanted this life. But my parents pushed me into it. They fell for everything Dumbledore sold them.”

“I thought you loved acting.” Remus said, “You never…”

“I did love it. Back when I was a child. When it was fun, something I did with my friends. Not now. It’s just work now. And I don’t have any friends. Not real ones, anyway. Not ones who’d care to be around me without paparazzi or me buying them expensive gifts or sponsoring elaborate tropical vacations.”

Okay, truth be told, Remus had always hated Gilderoy’s friends. They were just as shallow and vapid as Gilderoy himself was. He’d had no idea it bothered him, or that he was even aware he was being used.

“I’m sorry.” Gilderoy said with a small shake of his head. He turned to look at Remus.

“I leaked the pictures. I just… I was so fucking tired of all of it, and my contract says that the studio basically owns me for the next five years, unless I get fired, so I just-”

Remus’ slowly growing affection for the boy was replaced with immediate annoyance, “You leaked the- _Gilderoy_ -”

“I know, it was stupid. I’m stupid, just-”

“You’re not stupid.” Remus inturrupted, feeling the need to put that out there, because from the way Gilderoy had said it, it was clear he believed it, “You’re not. You’re just…” 

Gilderoy looked up, expectant, and Remus swallowed his anger.

“You made a mistake. I understand.” He said slowly. And he did understand. Looking at Gilderoy right then, he felt he understood the man more than he ever had.

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Let me just… I need to call the studio. I’ll- We will figure this out. You don’t have to go back there, if you don’t want to.” He said, “We’ll figure it out, Gilderoy.”

He tried to offer a reassuring smile, but truthfully he had no idea where the next couple hours was going to take them. He could try, but if the studio didn’t want to fire Gilderoy and terminate his contract, there wasn’t much Remus could do for him.

Gilderoy reached out, and Remus accepted the proffered hand. The smile on his face, -relaxed, happy, _real_ \- reminded Remus for the first time in years of the boy Gideroy had been when he first walked into Gryffindor.

* * *

“So he leaked his own nudes?” Sirius asked later on, over a voice call with Remus. His head was thrown back in a careless laugh, finding so much humor in the meltdown Remus had had when he’d first gotten the news. Remus had practically flown out of the car, struggling to fix himself so he looked not like he'd just been kissed senseless, blurting out apologies in Sirius' direction.

“Don’t get any ideas.” Remus warned, then paused, “Actually, no. Please do, I’d love to see Alice and Caradoc react to that. I forgot for a moment that you’re not my responsibility anymore.” 

“Oh you don’t have to try to get me out of my pants, Remus. It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before, anyway.” Sirius teased.

“True.” 

“Yep. You're the only one who gets to see me that way, now. There are people who'd kill for that privilege, you know.” 

There was a glint in Sirius’ eyes, telling Remus that that had been nothing but a throwaway comment, more simple teasing, but it still made something inside him twist with apprehension. He sighed, knowing he couldn’t really delay this conversation, especially now that he'd confirmed he was willing to try at a real relationship.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, noting the change in Remus’ expression.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Remus assured him, “Just… we should talk.”

“We were talking.” Sirius said. He chuckled at Remus’ frown and there was some movement as he pulled himself up into a sitting position, “Okay, okay. Let’s talk.”

Remus took a deep breath and, for lack of a better approach, stated, “I’m polyamorous.”

Sirius blinked, unbothered as he waited for more. When it didn’t come, he raised a brow in confusion, “Is that it? I already knew that, Rem. Remember, I got up on a stage in front of millions of people and told them?”

“Yes, but… that was before. We weren’t together, then.” 

“Well, yes, but I assumed you realized I didn’t actually have a problem with it.”

“I know that, in theory.” Remus said slowly, “But if we’re gonna do this, then… it’s unrealistic to expect you to be completely sure of-”

“Remus,” Sirius cut him off, “Do you think I’m gonna go all ape-shit crazy and jealous on you?”

Remus allowed himself a small laugh at that, “No. No, I just. I know you’ve probably never done something like this before.”

“I have not.”

“And I know people view it as weird.” 

“It’s not weird. Just… different.” Sirius mused.

“Right. And you’re, you know, _monogamous_.” Remus continued, “So you won’t be seeing anyone else while I… you know, _do_ see other people.”

That brought a pause, but it didn’t make Remus frightened. Sirius didn’t seem judgmental.

“You will be.” Sirius said after a while. It wasn’t a question, and he looked thoughtful, so Remus allowed him a moment to gather whatever was going through his mind before he continued with his piece.

“Not behind your back. And you’ll always know if I do. I’ll always tell you before, or after.” Remus said, “Like James. I tell him about everyone I get involved with, even if it’s just a one night stand. Usually after it’s happened. So he’s known about you since…” 

“Since Berlin?” Sirius supplied. Remus blushed at the reminder of that night and knew that Sirius was remembering it as well. 

“Yeah,” He breathed, “Since Berlin.”

“Hmmm.”

Sirius went quiet again. Remus forced himself to be patient as he waited for him to say something else.

It was a few moments before Sirius spoke, and when he did, he said the words slowly, as if picking each one with great care, “I won’t try to… interrupt? Your relationship with James. I know that he’s important to you. You get that look whenever you talk about him.” 

Remus felt his face heat up once more, but he didn’t want to miss any of Sirius’ facial expressions while they talked about this, so he didn’t look away.

“And if you do decide to… date anyone else, or see anyone, then I won’t get in the way of that, either.” Sirius continued, “I know what I’m getting myself into, Remus. I wouldn’t have pursued you if I didn’t.”

Remus nodded. He exhaled, releasing a breath he’d probably been holding since this conversation began.

“I would like to meet them though. The other people you’re dating." Sirius said, "Which reminds me, I want to meet James."

That shocked Remus. Of course, he’d known that they would have to meet eventually. He knew for certain James was practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation of meeting Sirius. But he certainly hadn’t expected Sirius to be the one to ask first. If anything, he’d thought that Sirius would have preferred to keep their relationship as separate from James and any other possible significant others of Remus' as possible.

“You do?” Remus asked, caution lacing his tone.

“Of course I do,” Sirius said. Remus observed him. He sounded as though it was ridiculous to expect otherwise, “He’s your boyfriend. I’m the guy trying to be your next boyfriend. We should meet. Also, imagine all the stories he has of you. Wait. _Oh my god_ …”

They both seemed to realize that possibility at the same time, but while it filled Remus with horror, Sirius’ grin turned almost manic. He was thrilled.

“You’ll meet him soon.” Remus chuckled nervously, already planning the ways in which he was going to have to bribe James to keep the most embarrassing stories of his to himself.

“Great. Oh. And the sleeping with other people thing?” Sirius asked. Remus’ chest tightened even as he nodded; hoping for the best, expecting the worst, especially as Sirius’ tone turned more subdued and he bit his bottom lip nervously. 

“Could you maybe… try to let me know beforehand? Not that I don’t trust your judgement or anything, but… I think I’d prefer to know before you went off with someone else, rather than me thinking you're at your home when… you know.”

Remus felt himself relax. Oh. Okay. That wasn’t actually bad, at all. Remus even understood where Sirius was coming from. Remus felt himself slip just a little further down the path of falling head over heels for Sirius, and he had to quickly yank himself back up so there was some clarity in his mind about the whole situation. Problem was, he was running out of reasons not to just let himself fall.

“Okay,” He said, “I will. Promise.”

“Okay.”

“Let me know if you have any other concerns, or questions. And anytime this starts being a problem for you-”

“It won’t be-”

“But if it did." Remus insisted, "Just… tell me, okay? I promise it will hurt less than me having to find out you tried to spare my feelings while you were being hurt in the process.” 

Sirius nodded, shooting him one of his signature disarming smiles, “I promise.”

* * *

He didn’t see Sirius in person again until the following Sunday, both of their respective schedules keeping them more than occupied. He’d finally gotten around to an uninterrupted dinner at James and Lily’s house, even allowing Lily to drag him off to the nursery to show off all the new stuff they’d bought. They were planning a baby-shower, but at this rate, Remus didn’t see how they’d end up actually needing anything new. The baby seemed more than set for the next five years at least.

He fielded questions about Sirius -quite expertly in his opinion- realizing with a jolt of his heart that he wanted James and Lily to like Sirius, even if they hadn’t met him yet. 

For the most part, Remus thought that they would all get along great, and he even allowed himself very briefly to imagine them all one day heading out to dinner together. He imagined himself and Sirius actually working out for the long run. It seemed like nothing more than a fantastical dream to him, but _god_ , did he want it.

On Sunday, Remus got out of the taxi and punched in the code to Sirius’ front gates, letting himself in and planning to tease Sirius about him not coming out to meet him.

When he opened the door and headed inside the house, it didn’t take long to discover the reason why. The sound of Sirius’ guitar floated up from the sitting room. Remus wandered in, and sure enough, Sirius was there, head bent over his notebook and brows furrowed in concentration. Next to him, Peter -Sirius’ songwriter and longtime friend- sat with his head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut and a frown on his face.

“This isn’t working,” Peter grumbled, “It’s… missing something.”

Sirius didn’t reply, simply moved his fingers over the guitar once more, a slightly different tune to the one he’d been playing as Remus walked in. Neither of them had noticed him, and while Remus loved watching as Sirius made new music, so lost in his craft that he was unaware of anyone else being next to him, it felt weird intruding on Peter as well.

He cleared his throat, rapping his knuckles softly against the entrance frame. They both turned, startled, in his direction and Remus waved awkwardly under their gazes.

“Hey,” He said.

Sirius was on his feet in a matter of seconds, guitar abandoned and crossing the room until Remus was in his arms, face cradled between his hands, and then Remus was being kissed.

He melted into it, ignoring Peter’s very loud groan of annoyance as Sirius only pressed their bodies closer together in defiance.

“Fuck off, Pete.” Sirius jeered, pulling away from Remus' mouth a fraction, “My house. I’m allowed to kiss my bo-”

He paused, scanned Remus’ face for some sort of objection, which he found none of, before continuing:

“I'm allowed to kiss my boyfriend.” 

Remus’ answering grin was enough to have Sirius leaning in to kiss him again, and he tampered down the way that made every fibre of his being light up on the inside. He felt a little lightheaded when Sirius finally released him.

“Hey, Pete.” He called out. 

Peter saluted him.

“I heard you got kicked off Sirius PR team.” 

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Pete-”

“That’s too bad,” Peter continued on, as though Sirius had said nothing at all, “You were one of the only people who could get this asshole to do anything.”

Remus laughed, “I’m sure Caradoc and Alice will manage just fine.”

Peter scoffed, “So diplomatic.”

“Didn’t you have somewhere you had to be, Peter?” Sirius asked with a not so subtle glance at the door.

Peter didn’t even budge, leaning back and crossing his hands behind his head, “Nope. Actually, I was thinking I’d stay here for dinner. With that feast you’ve had poor Kreacher cooking up all evening.”

“What?” Remus looked at Sirius, “I told you we could just order in.”

“It is not a feast.” Sirius objected, glaring at Peter who seemed to be enjoying this all far too much, “I just had him make us dinner. Figured, since this is kinda our first official date…”

Oh. 

Truthfully, Remus had not realized Sirius’ ‘come over tonight’ text was meant to construe ‘first date’ but he could see where Sirius had gotten that idea from. It felt odd, that they’d been technically seeing each other for the past several months, but hadn’t really had a date yet.

“This isn’t a date." Peter said, affronted, "You can’t bring the guy back to your hovel, shove food in him, bang him, and consider that a date, Sirius.”

“Pete-”

“Damn, is it any wonder you’ve never had a boyfriend before-”

“ _Peter._ ” Sirius growled.

Peter fluttered his lashes and looked over at Sirius, a perfect picture of innocence, “Yes, Siri?”

Sirius looked like he was running through a list of torture methods he could get away with practicing on Peter’s body, so Remus felt the need to intervene with a hand on his chest and a quick peck to his lips to bring Sirius' attention back to him, pleased when it worked.

“It’s okay if he stays, honestly.” Remus said, “We can have an… _official_ first date some other time.”

“You sure?” Sirius asked, “I can and will kick him out if you want.”

Remus laughed, “I’m sure. Come on. Let’s go see what Kreacher cooked up for us.” 

* * *

After dinner, the three of them found themselves gathered in the studio downstairs. Peter combed through several pages worth of lyrics that he deemed ‘unfit for public consumption’ while Sirius strummed at his guitar and tried, in vain, to find a single note that he didn’t hate.

Remus watched the process, everyone content to have him simply offer moral support, aware that he had not a single musical bone in his body. Though, he remembered idly once when they’d first met and Sirius had contested that statement, shoving him in front of a piano and trying to teach him the basics, most of which he’d promptly forgotten. He admittedly hadn’t been paying much attention to his impromptu lesson, anyway, too focused on his much more interesting teacher. Specifically, the hands on his teacher. Hands that Remus had spent hours fantasizing about before he’d finally gotten to experience the real thing several years later.

“...Remus?” 

Remus was jolted out of his daydream, flushing as he found Peter’s curious gaze on him.

“Hmm?”

“I was just asking you if you don’t think it’d be a great idea for Sirius to show us something in that journal of his.” Peter asked.

Remus raised a brow, “You’ve never seen it either?”

“Nope. Tried stealing it from him once and almost got my hand cut off.” 

Sirius smiled fondly, clearly recalling that specific memory. Remus wanted to ask but was also pretty sure he didn’t want to know, not putting it past Sirius to have seriously threatened cutting Peter’s hand off for even touching his journal.

The journal in question was one Sirius carried around with him often. Peter was his official songwriter, and all of his released songs had been written by Peter. But it was no secret to Sirius' inner circle that Sirius wrote his own lyrics sometimes. It was far more likely to hear him playing music he’d written himself, but any actual words, he kept under lock and key.

“I’m not playing my own stuff.” Sirius said with a huff, “None of it is any good, anyway. Do you think I keep you employed for your looks, Pete?”

Peter ignored the jab with a wave of his hand, “You think any of the greatest songs were good in their earliest stages?"

“It’s…” Sirius hesitated, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to if you really don’t want to, Sirius.” Remus said, figuring it was his job to play good cop.

“But it’ll get the creative juices flowing.” Peter encouraged.

Sirius bit his lip, glancing off to his side where his journal lay on the ottoman, and then he stood.

“One song?” He asked.

Peter’s entire face lit up, “You’ll do it?”

“You just spent however long trying to get me to do it!”

“Truthfully I didn’t think you’d go for it,” Peter admitted, “You really don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I know how personal lyrics can get sometimes, believe me. I was just teasing.”

Sirius sighed, “I know that. I… there’s one song, actually. I’ve been working on it a few weeks.” 

He walked over to the journal and swiped it up into his hands, his fingers briefly hovering over the clasp that kept it shut. 

He opened it, making his way back over to his guitar, but instead of taking it up, Remus watched, transfixed, as Sirius instead walked straight past it and sat at the piano, instead.

He’d seen Sirius play the piano only a few times, and heard him talk about it only once. It had been about two months into the tour, and they were lying together in a tangle of limbs and gold sheets, Sirius’ fingers idly playing with Remus’ hair. The action had reminded Remus of the first time he’d noticed Sirius’ hands, sitting next to him at the piano at Gryffindor, gliding smoothly across the instrument with familiarity and a tenseness Remus couldn’t quite place.

_ Why don’t you play the piano?  _ He’d asked,  _ You play beautifully, and yet none of your performances ever feature it. _

Sirius hadn’t answered immediately, but when he did, his voice had sounded hollow, devoid of any emotion, as if he were simply reading off a grocery list.

_ My father was the one who taught me, and Regulus, to play. He was very strict, and whenever we’d mess up, he’d hit our fingers with a stick until we played the right note.  _

Remus hadn’t known what to reply to that, so he’d kept quiet. Sirius, however, had kept talking.

_ Funny enough, he was the reason I learned to play so perfectly, and realized that I actually had a gift for music. He’s the reason I got into music school. Didn’t erase the years of trauma, though, so when it came time for me to focus on an instrument, I picked my guitar.  _

Peter’s expression was one of intrigue, and Remus wondered if he knew about Sirius’ tainted history with the piano, or if it was something Sirius had only shared with him. 

“Don’t judge me too harshly, yeah?” Sirius asked, grinning weakly. Remus nodded and offered a smile. 

As Sirius began to play, Remus let himself be lost in the music, recognizing that this was probably one of the only times he’d ever experience this, and that he was one of the only people who ever would. It wasn’t until Sirius began singing that Remus’ eyes left his hands and moved up to his face. His expression was haunted, pained, and it was obvious to Remus, and to Peter -who sat up straighter in his chair- that Sirius was singing about Regulus.

The words were nothing short of beautiful, each one filled with love, tenderness, and a deep, profound sadness that was reflected in the way Sirius’ eyes filled with tears as he played. Finally, it came to an end, and Remus, at a lost for words, stood and flew over to him. 

He threw his arms around Sirius, who leaned into the embrace, crying softly into his neck.

When they finally pulled apart, Sirius’ face and Remus’ shirt was stained with eyeliner. 

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled, “I didn’t… I got carried away.”

“Sirius, it’s okay. You’re allowed to cry as much as you need to about this.” Remus said, “I understand. So does Pete.”

Peter had gotten to his feet as well, and was hovering right next to them. He didn’t seem sure of what to say, but eventually he settled for a simple hug.

“You’re gonna be okay.” Peter said, and it sounded like a promise, “We’ll be right here for you every step of the way.”

* * *

Later, as he and Sirius waved Peter off from the porch, Remus felt Sirius lean in closer to his ear and say softly, “Stay the night?” 

“Not for sex,” Sirius quickly amended, blushing lightly, “I just… I’d really like it if you stayed.”

Remus cupped his cheek lightly and smiled, “Of course I’ll stay.”

“And… I know you said that we can’t take this public yet, and we have to be careful and everything-”

“Sirius,” Remus giggled gently, “You’re rambling.”

“Right. Sorry. I- will you go to the wedding with me?” 

That… brought Remus to a pause. 

“The wedding?” 

Sirius’ blush deepened, but he nodded, his eyes not leaving Remus’.

“You want me to go?” 

“Of course I want you to go. I always want you with me, Remus.” Sirius said, “And you’re pretty much the only stable thing in my life at the moment, so yes, I’d love it if you’d accompany me to the wedding.”

Remus knew that he should say no. Going to the wedding meant that he’d have to take time off from work, and even if he didn’t tell Minerva why, she’d surely put the pieces together and figure it out herself. There was no good reason why Remus would be attending the wedding of his ex-employer, who he was supposed to have no more relations with.

And yet… there was no good reason why Remus would not attend the wedding of his boyfriend, the man who he knew he was starting to fall deeply and irrevocably in love with.

Maybe it was time he started taking risks. 

“Yes,” He said, “I’ll go to the wedding with you. I'd love to."

Sirius' answering smile was all the confirmation Remus needed that he'd made the right decision, with all of it. This time, Remus made the final leap into the fire, not a trace of hesitation, and smiling back all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... I kinda wanna write about what happened in Berlin ;)  
> Next week, we head to France for a wedding, and some good old Black family drama.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Elaine's rehearsal dinner goes awry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is way overdue and I truly don't think it's up to mark, at all. I tried writing this chapter so many times I've honestly lost count, and each time I didn't like it. But I'm at the point now where delaying posting any longer wasn't working for me either. I'm so sorry for the wait and if this chapter isn't as good as the others <3

“Are you sure it’s okay, me being there?” Remus asks for the fifth time as he fusses over his tie in the mirror of his and Sirius’ hotel bathroom. 

“Yes, Remus.” Sirius calls, and Remus scowls at the laughter in voice.

“It’s just... I don’t actually know your family. Or Elaine’s.” He continues, feeling justified in his trepidation despite Sirius’ numerous reassurances, “Aren’t rehearsal dinners supposed to be for people you’re actually close to?”

“I told you, I already checked it over with Regulus and Elaine. They’re both fine with you being there.” Sirius says. He pokes his head into the bathroom and Remus flushes as Sirius gives him a not entirely innocent once-over. 

“Ready?” He asks after he’d looked his fill, “I promised I’d get there early.”

Remus arches a brow and responds teasingly, “Oh? Look at you, being all punctual.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Sirius deadpans, but he’s smiling, and his features are relaxed and happy, something Remus knows isn’t likely to last the entire evening, so he finally abandons the tie and accepts Sirius’ offered hand. 

“And besides.” Sirius says as they walk towards the elevator, “I’m allowed a date. After I slaved over getting this wedding ready in a month.” 

Remus gives a small smile at that, not wanting Sirius to dwell too long on the reason why the wedding was pushed up. He presses the call button and wraps his arms around Sirius’ waist, reaching up to press a quick peck to his lips.

“Thank you,” Sirius says, “For being here.”

Their hotel wasn’t far from where they were headed, but it was a good enough distance from the one that most of Sirius’ family were staying at that there were limited chances of an unexpected encounter with any of them. Remus had assumed that they would be staying at Regulus and Elaine’s place, but he hadn’t been surprised when they’d ended up here instead. He didn’t mind, even though he suspected Sirius was struggling to not spend every possible second he could with Regulus. 

“He wants to be treated as normally as possible, this weekend.” Sirius had said, stone faced with his lips drawn in a tight, unsatisfied line. He would try, for Regulus’ sake, not to fuss too much. But he wasn’t happy about it. 

“There’s no place I’d rather be.” Remus said. It was true. Remus felt like he had no right to be grieving over someone he hardly knew, but he felt it nonetheless, and if being here to experience one of the happiest moments of Regulus’ ultimately too short life was all that he could do, he would do it. 

Requesting time off with Minerva hadn’t been nearly as daunting as Remus had thought it would be. He’d delayed doing it until the very last possible minute, wanting to give himself enough time to prepare a response and an excuse to every question he felt she would undoubtedly ask.

_ The wedding will be private. No paparazzi. We’ll be travelling in heavily tinted cars. We’ll both be off social media. I’m only going as a friend. Sirius needs the support and Alice can’t make it... _

But in the end, Minerva had simply looked at him and said, “Don’t make any stupid decisions.” 

Remus had nodded meekly and gotten out as fast as he could, almost bumping into an unsuspecting intern carrying a tray of coffee on the way. 

* * *

As they approached the venue where the rehearsal dinner was being kept, Sirius became noticeably restless, tapping his fingers against the door. His easy going demeanor from earlier was beginning to slip already. Remus sent up the privacy shield and moved in closer to his boyfriend, slipping their hands together and bringing Sirius’ knuckles up to press a chaste kiss to them.

“You okay?” He murmured.

Sirius nodded, but he was tense enough that answer was obviously no.

“It’ll be fine.” Sirius tried to assure him, but Sirius laughed bitterly and frowned.

“My parents will be there. So not exactly, no.”

“This is the first time you’ll be seeing them since…?”   
“Since the pictures? Yeah.”

Right. Remus didn’t know much about the Black’s. The times Sirius talked about his family -aside from his little brother- were rare and always with the kind of reluctant edge that made Remus more keen to pay attention to Sirius, making sure he didn’t make himself too upset, than what he was actually saying. 

“I’m sorry if tonight turns out to be… you know.” 

“A disaster?” Remus asks ruefully. He shakes his head and leans in closer to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Sirius’ ears, “I won’t regret being here, if that’s what you think. I want to be here for you.”

Sirius turns to look at him, stark grey eyes searching Remus’ for even a hint of reluctance. When he found none, he sighed and leaned in closer, “Thank you.”

* * *

There was a light strum of music playing in the background as they entered the room, a lot of people Remus didn’t recognize moving about, the sharp click of heels on the marble floors and the murmur of voices reaching his ear. A few eyes fell on them as he and Sirius walked in, hand in hand, but Sirius either didn’t notice or dutifully ignored them all, so Remus did as well, instead choosing to take in the beautifully decorated interior. It was the simple sort of extravagance that, while not obvious, still screamed of wealth. Waiters glided through the crowds serving glasses of champagne, Sirius calling one over immediately upon spotting him. When Remus raised a brow, Sirius simply shrugged and said, “You see how long you last.”

Regulus and Elaine were already there, moving from person to person and greeting them. Elaine was beautifully dressed in a light pink dress that brushed the floor, her thick hair held up with several clips. She clung to Regulus, who clung back just as hard in his simple black suit and a tie to match his soon to be wife’s dress. They looked at each other with clear adoration, as though no one else in the room existed. Remus tempered down the part of him that recognized it in the way Sirius sometimes looked at him. Regulus glanced over in their direction and murmured something to Elaine, who let him go albeit reluctantly as she was pulled off in another direction by a group of women who looked to be about her age, probably close friends or her sisters. Regulus made his way over to them, immediately pulling Sirius into a tight hug that lasted a bit longer than a greeting should have, and then, to Remus’ surprise, doing the same with him.

“Thank you both, for being here.” He said, “Especially you, Remus. I’m glad you could make it.”

“I couldn’t miss the wedding of the century now, could I?” Remus grinned, and was surprised again when Regulus -who was normally stoic- returned it. 

“It’s good to see you this happy, Reg.” Sirius said. Remus looked at him as he said it, saw the sincere pride and joy Sirius held for his brother, and didn’t miss the way it was tinged with a bit of sadness. 

“I could say the same about you.” Regulus noted, with a sly glance at Remus, who immediately flushed under the implication. Regulus spared them having to respond to this though, instead putting a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and pointing out someone standing on the far end of the room, “Alphard’s here, so are Andy and Tonks. They’re both wandering around somewhere.”

“Alphard?” Remus asked.

“Alphard’s one of our saner family members.” Sirius supplied, a conspiratorial smirk thrown Regulus’ way, “And Tonks is our cousin Andy’s husband.” 

“Another deplorable addition to the family, if you ask our parents.” 

Remus wanted to ask why ‘another’, but the way Regulus looked as he said it, he knew immediately that Regulus was referring to Elaine.

“Don’t let them get to you, Reg.” Sirius said, “You and Elaine are happy. That’s all that matters this week.”

“Yeah,” Regulus said, “Well, I’ll leave you both to it. Please, have fun. See you later, Remus.”

Remus watched as he walked back over to Elaine, pulling her into a kiss and immediately drawing her back to his side as he joined into her conversation. Elaine’s company swooned.

“Come on,” Sirius said, “I’ll introduce you to Alphard.”

He followed Sirius over to where the middle aged man with the same stunningly good looks Remus had come to associate with the Black family. He stood at one of the high tables, glass in his hand, and the mischievous glint in his eye intensified as he noticed Sirius tugging Remus over towards him. 

“Uncle Alphard!” Sirius greeted him, “You came.”

“Wouldn’t miss it. Couldn’t leave you to fend off the wolves by yourself.” Alphard said, “And besides, I’m never one to miss an opportunity to remind my dear sister that I exist, as much as she’d love to pretend that I didn’t.”

Sirius laughed, and Remus decided that he liked Alphard.

“Are you going to introduce me to your date, then?” Alphard asked, mouth quirking up as he gestured to Remus with a curious but polite smile.

“I’m sure you already know far too much.” Sirius said, to which Alphard only hummed, “This is Remus Lupin, my boyfriend. Remus, my uncle Alphard.”   
“Resident family deplorable.” Alphard introduced himself, reaching out a hand to shake Remus’, “Though Sirius has been giving me steady competition for the title.”

“I’m sure he has.” Remus said, ignoring the look of betrayal Sirius shot him, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alphard.”

“As it is to meet you.” Alphard responded, “Ah. And don’t look too quickly, but your mother and father just entered the building, Sirius.”

Sirius, of course, did look instantly, but thankfully Walburga and Orion Black hadn’t been looking his way.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Alphard said, turning his now empty glass over in his hand, “I’ll be at the bar finding something stronger.”

Remus watches as Walburga and Orion make their way over to Regulus and Elaine, and he immediately spots the shift in them. Elaine seems to shrink in on herself, shifting ever so slightly behind Regulus, who’s grip on her tightens as though he’s afraid she’ll disappear just by the sheer will of his parents’ wanting her to. Sirius notices this, as well, and before he even says anything, Remus nods in their direction.

“Go on,” Remus says, “He needs you.”   
Sirius glances at him, then back at where Regulus is, “I-”

“Go, Sirius. I’ll just go meet Alphard.” Remus says, “Really. I’m fine. Regulus needs you.”

Sirius kisses him once, quickly, but meaningfully, a thousand silent thank you’s poured into it.

* * *

Remus gravitates towards the bar, where Alphard is nursing what seems to be his second glass of whatever he’d ordered. 

“Remus,” He says, slightly surprised, “What are you doing over here?”

Remus fixed him with a wry smirk as he reached up to loosen the tie around his neck, “Same as you, I suppose.”

“Of course.”

“They really are that bad, huh?” Remus asked.

Alphard scoffed, muttering ‘understatement’, and raised a hand to usher over the bartender.

“Let’s just say that open bars are pretty much customary at family events.” Alphard took a long sip of whatever he’d ordered, nearly draining the glass in time with the bartender coming over to them. He put up two fingers, glancing at Remus who nodded in response to Alphard ordering for him. The man seemed to know his alcohol much better than Remus did.

“What do you think of all this?” Alphard asked, gesturing around the room. Remus stared blankly for a moment, unfollowing.

“You mean the wedding?” He asked, confused.

Alphard nodded, “The wedding, the couple…”

Remus frowned, “It’s… nice? Regulus and Elaine clearly love each other.”

“Exactly.” 

“I’m… not following.”

“You can see that they love each other, right? Anyone with eyes can see that Regulus loves that girl more than he loves his own self. He’d do anything for her. But Walburga, Orion, and the rest of our slimy so called family… they hate her.”

Regulus had to take a moment to internalize that. He knew of Elaine even less than he knew of Regulus, but the kind hearted, sweet girl he’d met on those few occasions seemed the least problematic person Remus had ever encountered. 

“They almost didn’t get married. But then the cancer started acting up and Regulus decided that he was done playing by his family’s rules.”

“I’ve known Regulus and Sirius their entire lives. Despite how badly dear old Wally tried to keep me away lest I have any kind of… influence over them. Regulus was never a rule breaker. In fact, I don’t think he ever understood why Sirius couldn’t just suck it up and do what he was told, too. I don’t think he understood how much freedom really mattered until he met that girl.”

Remus frowned. 

“Walburga wanted him to marry another girl, I don’t even remember her name. From a nice, well established family that they’d picked out. They wanted to marry them off like some damn Shakespear play.” 

“Them?” Remus asked. Certainly he couldn’t mean-

“Sirius? Yeah. Him, too. I’ll leave it to you to imagine how that went.”

Remus could imagine. Especially if Sirius’ parents’ had been trying to get Sirius to marry a woman. He hadn’t known this, but he figured he knew how it ended.

“Naturally, of course, they blamed me.” Alphard said. 

“You? Why would they blame-” Oh, “Oh.”

Alphard smiled at Remus’ realization but didn’t stay long on it, “Sirius kicked up a storm, told them all they could go to hell, and then showed up on my doorstep a few hours later with nothing but the clothes on his back.”

Remus was silent, unsure of how he was meant to respond to all of this. He settled for finishing his drink, hesitating only a brief moment before gesturing for another one, earning him a pat on the back from Alphard, who looked almost proud. 

“Glad to see you aren’t as picky as your boyfriend.” Alphard said, “But anyway. Sirius’ parents threatened to cut him out of his inheritance if he came out publicly, so Sirius agreed to keep it under wraps.” 

Of course they did. He was starting to understand Walburga and Orions’ game, how desperate they were to keep both of their children under their thumb and how much they despised losing any of that control. Even if they’d essentially thrown Sirius out of his own home, they still wanted to have full say in what he did or didn’t do with his life.

“So, when those pictures leaked…?”

It was Alphard’s turn to look confused, “You didn’t know?”

Remus shook his head. Of course, he’d known Sirius’ parents were upset, that they’d given him hell for it for weeks after the fact, but he hadn’t thought they would ever cut him out of his own inheritance.

“Of course it doesn’t really matter, financially,” Alphard said, “Sirius has plenty of money on his own, but… you know.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, his hatred of Sirius’ parents growing more by the second, “I know.”

* * *

The conversation shifted to the less sombre stories of Sirius’ childhood, his time spent with Alphard practicing his music and eventually deciding to pursue it as a full time career, and it eventually landed on Remus’ work, Alphard finding the whole Lockhart situation incredibly humorous, the same way Sirius had. Remus hadn’t been able to sway Gilderoy’s network completely, but they had agreed to cut down his contract so he only had to film one more season. This may have been brought on by Gilderoy himself threatening to release a full blown sex tape if they kept him under contract from any longer.

Remus didn’t need to wait for Sirius much longer. Sirius was walking over to him, smiling. though his eyes betraying his frustration. 

“I’m ready to get out of here.” He said, “And it’s only been a couple of hours.”   
“We haven’t even had dinner yet.” Remus agreed mournfully.

Sirius tucked his head into Remus’ neck and groaned lowly, “I hate these people.”

Remus laughed and ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair, gently tugging until Sirius was looking at him again. 

“So… what were you and Alphard talking about?” He asked curiously, looking between Remus and his uncle.

“You, of course.” Alphard teased.

Remus nodded seriously, fighting back a grin, “He’s quite helpful when it comes to embarrassing stories about you.” 

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Hmm... I don’t know. I think I’ll save them for-”

He was cut off by a loud wail, and then a crashing noise that had him jumping to his feet as he followed Sirius towards the source. They found it outside, in the form of a woman with wild black hair clutching her dress that was now doused with some kind of liquid all down the front.

“Bellatrix-” Alphard spat, the word as sharp as though it were a swear. 

The woman -Bellatrix- held out her hand in fury. Remus had to admit that even he was a little scared of her right then. If looks could kill.

However the source of her terror seemed perfectly undaunted, standing between Bellatrix and Elaine, who had a look of shock and horror on her face to rival the anger of the woman in front of her.

“Don’t you dare speak to my sister like that ever again.” The woman yelled, still holding the now empty champagne glass and waving it in front of Bellatrix like it was a loaded gun, “I’ll do much worse next time!”

Bellatrix’s gaze was so deadly Remus wondered how the woman hadn’t burst into flames yet, “You- you reprehensible little vermin-”   
“Bitch.” 

Bellatrix gasped, recoiling as though she’d been struck, “How dare you come here-”

“All of you people are fucking horrible!” The woman yelled, “It’s no wonder Regulus didn’t want any of you here!”

There was a sickening sort of silence after that, and Elaine’s eyes widened as pretty much every member of the Black extended family looked at her fiance, who still had his arms wrapped protectively around her.

“What is the meaning of this?” Walburga -who had appeared from inside- asked. Her eyes landed on Bellatrix, and narrowed in disgust at the woman who had doused her.

“You people can’t control yourselves for even one night-”

“‘You people!?” Another girl from in the crowd flared up, “You’re no better than us. The things this- this creature was saying to Elaine. You’ve all been provoking a fight all night!”

“I will not stand here and be disrespected. Especially not by the lowly family of the girl my son has chosen to associate himself with.”

“Mother.” Regulus snapped, “Enough.”

“Don’t speak to your mother that way,” Orion interjected.

“She started it!” That was Sirius. Remus spun around to find his boyfriend glaring daggers at his father, who was glaring back with obvious hatred, his eyes a shade too close to Sirius’ for Remus’ comfort.

“ENOUGH!” Regulus yelled, facing his parents, “I’ve had it. I begged you all to behave yourselves for one night and you couldn’t even give me that. I’ve never asked any of you for anything  _ ever _ .”

His face was turning red in anger as he pinned each and every member of his family in the vicinity to their spot. They all stared as the usually calm and reserved Black brother now, for lack of a better word, lost it. Walburga herself looked too shocked at her son's outburst to respond. 

“Regulus dear,” Elaine murmured. It was quiet enough that had Remus not been standing quite so close to her, he might have missed it. But he looked at her then, and noticed the clear worry in her voice and the way her brows tugged downwards as she inched closer towards Regulus, who had released her. 

Remus saw it a few seconds too late. The way Regulus’ hand shook at his side, the way he wobbled slightly on his feet. 

He heard Sirius yell ‘Regulus!’ just as Regulus fell to the floor, his head hitting the ground with a sickening  _ thump _ .

* * *

The hospital waiting room was too bright, and there was an eerie silence permeating the room that was broken only by the background noise provided by the television mounted onto the wall. It was so quiet, Remus could even hear the scratching of a pen across paper as the nurses in the area behind them scribbled something down. Remus hated it, so he was sure that Sirius and Elaine weren’t fairing much better.

He’d say the same of Walburga and Orion, but they had been silently glaring at the ground since they’d arrived five hours ago. They didn’t seem sad, not in the way Elaine was currently sobbing lightly into her sisters’ now tear stained dress, or in the way Sirius was pacing, eyes hollow as though his entire world had just collapsed underneath him. 

The last that they’d seen their other son, he’d been unconscious, unresponsive to the Nurses attempts at reviving him as they shoved him into the back of an ambulance, but Walburga and Orion weren’t sad. They were perfectly blank, emotionless husks, revealing nothing. They hadn’t even risen to Sirius’ initial yelling at them that the entire ordeal was their fault. They had spoken to the doctors with the sort of detached professionalism Remus assumed they spoke to any of their business clients, as though they had no emotional stake in this whatsoever. 

Remus hadn’t thought it was possibly for him to hate them any more than he already had. He kept replaying their words over in his head, wondering how anyone could be so callous as to say those things to their son’s fiance?

So what if they didn’t ‘approve’ of Elaine? Was it not enough for them that Regulus was so clearly happy with her? Happier than he’d probably ever been in his entire life?

He looked at Sirius. He was standing by the window now, looking out over the city. Remus wanted to go to him, wrap his arms around him, offer some of the comfort that he’d come here to provide. But all he found himself capable of doing was sitting and staring at his hands in his lap. The night had taken such a worse turn than he’d envisioned, even as he’d known there was no way it could’ve gone perfectly. 

He’d texted James earlier, who’d responded and told him to keep him and Lily informed. But they’d been here for hours, and Remus was starting to worry that any information he had to give them might not be good.

Eventually, though, after more time had passed, enough that Sirius had returned to his seat next to Remus, the doctor who’d taken Regulus in earlier came back out.

“He’s stable.” He said, “But we’ll be keeping him overnight to monitor his vitals.” 

Elaine let out a ragged sob of relief, and her sister clutched her tighter. Bellatrix had known not to come to the hospital, at the very least. 

“He should be okay to leave tomorrow morning.”

This was good news. If Regulus was feeling up to it -and he undoubtedly would be- then the wedding would go on as planned tomorrow evening. Remus glanced at Walburga and Orion and once again noted their complete lack of emotion as they thanked the doctor for his time and then moved to exit the room. They left without a look spared for Sirius or for Elaine, and the second they were gone, Elaine’s sister cursed their names. 

Sirius collapsed into Remus' open arms, and Remus felt all of the exhaustion of the night catch up to him at once.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Hopefully that wasn't too bad. Let me know what you think in the comments or on my tumblr @nikialexx! We have either one or two chapters of this fic left, depending on how many words the content I have planned out takes. I love you all, see you again soon <333


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things end, and others begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely people. We've officially reached the end of this little journey! It's a bittersweet moment for me. On one hand, I'm so happy to have finally finished this in its entirety. It's been a rocky few months since I started it, and there were times when the end seemed like it would never get here. But now that it is, and I'm posting the very last chapter of this fic, I must admit that I will miss working on it, and I'll miss all of you who've been here and stuck around until the end <3.  
> This chapter is a bit of a rollercoaster. We go up, then down, and then a little bit upwards again. I do hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> TW- brief implications of domestic violence/abusive relationships. It doesn't go into any detail, but it's there, so better safe than sorry.

The rest of the weekend passes with -relative to the disaster that was the rehearsal dinner- ease. Remus even finds himself silently commending Bellatrix, who is sulky and throws glares at anyone who looks at her, but stays otherwise silent and unprovoking any time she shows up. A near death experience, it seems, is enough to have even the Black family on their best behavior for a few hours. Regulus marries Elaine to the beautiful backdrop of the setting sun, and it is, Remus hopes, everything he had wanted and more. 

But Sirius is still tense. He never fully calmed down again after the trip to the hospital, even after Regulus insisted that he was fine so many times that Remus lost count. Sirius manages to plaster on a smile for his brothers sake, and Regulus is too busy with everything else to pay attention to the way Sirius is everything but okay, but Remus notices in the way his shoulders stay tense, the way his hands shake and the way his happiness never quite meets his eyes, even when he sheds a few tears as Regulus and Elaine exchange ‘I do’s’.

Remus understands, of course. But he isn’t sure what there is for him to do. He can’t prevent the inevitable, he can’t take away the pain of knowing that this wedding is nothing more than a distraction from what is to come. He holds Sirius’ hands and comforts him and tries to keep him calm as best he can. But eventually they do have to return to London, and it takes all but three days after the plane touches down for the other shoe to drop.

It’s an otherwise boring Tuesday afternoon. Remus is at his desk sifting through emails and sending occasional flirty texts to James, when he hears Alice’s voice calling out to him, and he looks up to find her and Caradoc walking briskly towards the elevator, phones in hand, Caradoc on his and Alice looking like she’s about to be sick. Remus takes this to mean that he’s supposed to go with them. He runs and manages to catch up to them just as they’re stepping into the elevator, Caradoc sparing him a glance in greeting as he’s on the phone. Remus catches enough of the conversation to understand that something has happened with Sirius.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked.

“You remember Snape?” Alice asks. She’s not looking at him, her focus entirely on her phone as she moves between texting and scrolling. She punches the button for the ground floor and the doors slide shut, jolting them into movement.

“Yeah?” Remus confirms, conjuring up the image of a greasy little journalist they’ve had more than a few unpleasant encounters with -and that Remus has a bit of a personal history with- though that’s never caused him anything but trouble either.

“Sirius hit him.” 

“Sirius  _ punched _ him.” Caradoc corrects, off his phone now, and Remus isn’t sure if this is meant to improve the situation or not. 

“He -Snape- said something about you, and Sirius broke his fucking nose.”

Oh.

Remus, of course, understands that this is a less than desirable situation, but if Alice is expecting him to be upset about the outcome...

“Where is he?” He asks instead of lingering to long on the pleasantness of Snape being punched. 

Alice frowns, “Sirius?”

“Snape.” Remus corrects, then pauses and says, “Sirius, too.”

“Snape is in the ER. He’s fine. Hysterical, claims Sirius caused much more damage than he actually did, but he’s stable. He was knocked out for a couple seconds, though, according to sources.”   
“Sources?”

“Witnesses. This happened in the middle of a press conference. Sirius was on his way out and Snape took him walking past as the opportunity to be a fucking git.”

The elevator comes to a smooth stop, and Remus follows Alice and Caradoc out and straight into a waiting Gryffindor car. 

“Not that I’m not grateful to have been rescued from certain death by boredom-” Remus says, “But exactly what am I doing here?”

Alice glances at him and then exchanges a silent look with Caradoc that is enough for Remus to realize he is absolutely fucked just a couple seconds before she confirms it by saying, “You’re dating him, aren’t you?”

Remus doesn’t even bother looking contrite. He nods. 

“I figured you’d be able to get it through to him why he can’t go around punching people better than anything the two of us say.” Alice says, “You always were better at handling him.”

Remus says nothing to this, and Alice continues, “Plus, the two of you need to figure your shit out. If you’re seeing each other, we need to go about it the right way. Right now the hype around the two of you has mostly died down. You’ve kept it quiet. Snape didn’t have anything to go on besides his own intuition. Someday he might. And when-” Remus notes solemnly the way she says  _ when _ and not _ if _ , “that happens, I want to be prepared.”

“Oh, and also we need you to pull a few strings for us.” Caradoc interjects, “You have connections with Snape, right?”

“I… wouldn’t necessarily call them connections.” Remus says, “But sure.”

“He’s talking about pressing charges against Sirius.” Caradoc says, and Remus shoots up in slight alarm, “So see what you can do.”

Remus already has his phone out, dialing Lily’s number when Alice calls his attention to her once more.

“And Remus? Tell Minerva about you and Sirius.”

* * *

Remus had been lucky enough to encounter Severus Snape only a handful of times in the few years that he's known him. He was a popular enough journalist that in Remus' line of work, this was especially lucky. He had first encountered the man at college, around the time that he'd met Lily. Snape had been Lily’s best friend from childhood turned jilted lover when he realized that his… affection for Lily wasn't being returned in quite the ways that he'd hoped. After one particularly big fight between the two of them, brought on by Lily starting to date James, Lily had parted ways with him permanently. Or as permanently as she could manage after they’d both been offered positions writing for ‘The Order’ magazine. 

Snape had been under the impression that Remus was somewhat of his 'replacement', taking on the role of Lily's best friend. He'd held a grudge since then, so it was no surprise to Remus that he'd baited Sirius with stories about him during his college years.

Stories that, Remus noted as he scanned the tabloids, weren’t entirely  _ false _ . He was starting to have a newfound respect for celebrities. He’d only been the hot topic of the day twice now, and he was already completely over the experience.

But that would be dealt with later. Right now he was occupied with trying to convince Lily to talk to Snape.

“And why,” Lily said, “Do you think he’d do me a favor?”

“Because he loves you.” Remus said bluntly. Maybe any other time he might have been more tactful about what words he used, but right now he was fending off the beginnings of a headache and already stressed out thinking about the conversation he was going to have to have with Sirius later… much sooner than he’d planned to ever talk about those things.

“Lily…  _ please _ .” Remus begged, “I promise I will buy the best bottle of wine that I can afford for you after you’ve had Harry.” 

There was a long suffering sigh from Lily’s end of the phone. She was clearly not happy about this, but she would do it, for Remus. Remus bit back his smile.

“Fine. But I have a condition.” Lily said.

“Yes! Anything.” Remus promised, and then immediately regretted it.

“I want to meet Sirius.”

“...Lily-”

“Bring him to the baby shower!” Lily urged.

“Lily.” 

“Oh come on, Rem. You’re dating my  _ husband _ ! Stands to reason that I should meet your boyfriend.” 

Remus groaned, but he had no excuse. He had been putting off having Sirius meet Lily and James. Alice and Caradoc were eyeing him with intrigued suspicion that Remus pointedly ignored.

To Lily, he agreed begrudgingly, “ I’ll… invite him to come along.” 

Lily made a noise of pure excitement, “Can’t wait. I’ll talk to Snape. Love you, Rem.”

* * *

The car took them to Sirius’ apartment in the city. Alice led them to the elevator and used her key to get up, and Remus realized, with an immediate flush he tried to hide, that he still had a key to Sirius’ place as well. Sirius had never asked for it back, and Remus had never thought to surrender it. 

The elevator swooped up and spat them out into the grandiose living room of Sirius’ penthouse. Remus had always preferred the house, because it had a more homey feeling to it. But he couldn’t deny that this apartment had a view to die for. 

_ Well _ , Remus thought as Sirius emerged from the hallways, _ two views _ .

Sirius wore fitted grey sweatpants, and seemingly nothing else. He was shirtless, his tattoos and that  _ damn nipple piercing _ on full display. He had evidently just come out of the shower, as his hair was still damp and fell carelessly around his face. Remus had to summon every bit of practiced professionalism not to jump on him the second he saw him.

“Remus!” Sirius said, his eyes twinkling, “I didn’t expect you.” 

“They brought me here to talk to you.” Remus said.

“Oh? If I’d known  _ you _ would be delivering my punishment, I’d have worn much less.”

Remus’ cheeks flamed, and Sirius laughed. Alice, however, only rolled her eyes and fixed him with a threatening glare that immediately had him sobering up. 

“He deserved it.” Sirius said, “I’m sure you agree.”

“It doesn’t matter if I agree or not, Sirius.” Alice said, “You can’t just punch journalists every time they say something out of line.”

“I wanted to do much worse,” Sirius glowered, “He got lucky.”

“You broke his nose!”

Sirius only smirked.

Remus’ phone chimed then, gathering everyone else’s attention. He pulled it out and saw a text from Lily and felt at least part of the tension he’d been carrying since they left Gryffindor ease up.

“Snape is taken care of.” He said to Alice and Caradoc. But Sirius perked up as though he’d heard the most delightful news. 

This was Remus’ turn to glare at him, “Not taken care of, like that. We got him not to press charges.” 

“Oh,” Sirius frowned, “Pity.”

Alice’s head fell into her hands.

“If he was going to press charges, then Remus has every right to do the same. Defamation of character and all that.”

Remus bit his lip, and said nothing, ignoring the rising discomfort he felt in his chest.

“No, no pressing charges against anyone. Snape is a prick, we all know that. But he’s off our backs now and I’m pretty sure he won’t be coming after you again anytime soon.” Alice said, “No one fancies two trips to the ER.”

“And I’m not sure his nose will survive being broken twice.” Caradoc added, “It was already pretty messed up before.”

Alice shot him a look of utter betrayal, and then reached out to place a firm smack to the back of his head.

* * *

Remus is thankful that Minerva is out of the country for the rest of the week, and so while he has to suffer through looks and hushed whispers from coworkers as they digest his latest tabloid scandal, he doesn’t have to explain anything to Minerva herself. He avoids calls from James until it becomes impossible to continue doing so, insists that he is fine, and then allows himself to be bullied into going back to Sirius’ apartment, which he had fled as soon as he was able to to earlier. 

They are sitting on the couch, the television on in the background but the sound is too low for them to actually decipher the words being said; and neither of them are paying attention to it anyway. Sirius' eyes are shut and his face is tucked neatly into Remus' shoulder. He's humming softly, the rhythm of a song Remus doesn't recognize, and Remus's fingers are tangled in Sirius' hair, soft as silk. 

It's lazy and intimate and them- the feel of it something so perfect that Remus couldn't even imagine what he'd been thinking just three months ago, wanting to deny himself this experience. He also feels like he needs to cling to it a bit longer, especially now, when he knows that he’s about to open up this pandora’s box, and let out all of his history and the emotional baggage that comes with it. He knows that  _ this _ -moments like this one- are the reason why it’s difficult for him to open up to people. The reason why he’s held himself back all these years from having anything real. People hurt you, and given the right ammunition, people  _ destroyed _ you.

He knows James. He trusts James. But Sirius is a whole new person, a whole new experience that Remus has to slowly and painstakingly learn, and it’s been so many years since anyone besides James has had the power to break Remus that he’s terrified of what it will do to him, to repeat any of what happened last time. 

But he has to learn to trust Sirius, he tells himself. And with that, he has to learn to trust himself. And this is just the start of that.

So he musters up all of his courage and whispers into the darkness, "Fenrir Greyback." 

Sirius hums lightly, raises his head just a couple inches, enough that he can look into Remus' eyes.

"What was that?" He murmurs.

Remus clears his throat, "He was... my first boyfriend. When I was 16." 

Sirius is lifting himself up completely now, though he never loses physical contact with Remus, rearranging them until Remus is cradled in his arms and he can look at him, face now creased with worry that Remus reaches a hand up to trace away.

"He was 28, when we started dating."

Sirius' reaction isn't immediate, as though it takes his brain a few seconds to process what Remus has just said. 

"Remus." He whispers, his voice breaking just a little. 

There's a lot to this story that Remus hasn't shared with many people, fragments that he's shared with no one. Little pieces of his history that he's locked away in a box, sealed shut, and thrown away the key to. But there's a particular piece now that he finds himself needing to share with Sirius, before he shares any of the rest.

"It was never about you," Remus says softly, "I just had a lot holding me back. It's... hard for me to let people in." 

Sirius nods. It's clear from the concern in his eyes that he has many questions, but he knows not to push on something so delicate. At least not yet. Remus leans into him and appreciates it.

"What Snape said about me… those things weren’t  _ lies _ .” 

Sirius says nothing, and Remus is grateful.

“I… Fenrir was…”

“Hey,” Sirius says softly, cradling Remus’ face in his hands, “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. And you don’t need to tell me any of this.”

Remus nods mutely, fighting back tears that are already threatening to fall. He hates this. It’s been so long since he’s even thought of any of it. 

“I want to tell you, but I don’t have the words for it yet.” Remus amits, “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Sirius says immediately, “Whenever you’re ready. I’m here.”

Truth be told, Remus isn’t sure he ever will be ready, but he doesn’t say that. Just looks into Sirius’ eyes and allows himself to believe that he will be, eventually.

“We broke up before I started college.” Remus says, and then he amends, “Well. I moved to London and he couldn’t follow. But there was still a lot that I… hadn’t dealt with. So I took all of that out in drugs, parties, sex… all of that.”

Sirius nods, and he’s looking at Remus with such careful understanding, despite not knowing the entire story, arguably any parts of the story that  _ matter _ .

He thinks back to Snape’s words. The things he’d called Remus. The stories he’d told about his ‘wild’ phase. It’s all a blur, in reality. The endless stream of bodies just because he could, after Fenrir had kept him under such tight constrictions his entire teenage life. The drugs, because they made him forget. The partying, because it was easy to push aside everything else when there was so much stimulation happening around him.

“I got out of hand for a while.” Remus says, “And then I met Lily, and James, and they…” Not  _ healed _ , Remus isn’t sure he’s ever going to be completely healed, “They made things easier.”

Almost as if he suddenly remembered, Sirius’ hand jerks to Remus’ side, hovering over his t-shirt that has risen up just enough to reveal the start of the scar that is slashed across his abdomen. It’s mostly healed now, but still visible against his pale skin. Remus bites his lip.

“Is this… I assumed it was an accident or something… Remus, were you-”

He breaks off, as though he’s unable to complete that thought. Remus averts his gaze.

“Fenrir did a lot of things.” Remus admitted in a low, hollow voice, “He never really was one for permanent marks. But he left this one after I’d tried breaking up with him. Got the message across, needless to say.”

Remus still remembered his face as he’d sliced the knife across his skin. His lips bared back in a snarl, revealing teeth that seemed too sharp to be  _ human _ .

_ You’ll always be mine, Remus. _

“I love you.” Sirius said suddenly. Remus peered up at him, realizing as he did that the tears had started to fall, “Thank you for trusting me with this part of you.”

He pulled Remus into a tighter hug, and Remus decided that he’d had enough of this conversation for one night. He went into Sirius’ arms, and he savored as he did how perfectly they both fit together, the lingering sound of Sirius’  _ I love you _ on his mind. 

* * *

On the day of Lily’s baby shower, Sirius showed up at Remus’ apartment with, not one, but two gigantic gift boxes thrown on the back seat of his car. There was also a bouquet of white and blue lilies. Remus scoffed, and placed his significantly smaller box next to them. 

“You’re not even going to mention it?” Sirius asked with a raised brow. Remus shook his head.

“I honestly expected no less from you.”

“I’m becoming predictable, am I? I’ll have to start changing things up.” 

Remus laughed and leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on Sirius’ cheek as the car pulled off. 

“Never change, Sirius. Never change.”

* * *

James, unsurprisingly,  _ loves _ Sirius. And really, Remus only blames himself for not seeing what a truly horrible match the pair of them would be. 

“Remus!” James calls out to him in glee, after he’d stolen Sirius away for the better half of the evening, “I may have to end up stealing your boyfriend.” 

Sirius places a hand over his heart, “I’m truly sorry, Remus. But you understand, I’m sure, why I can’t resist such tempting offers.”

Remus turns to glare at Lily, who is giggling. 

“This is your fault.” He tells her. This only causes Lily to giggle more. 

Lily isn’t much better herself. The second they’d arrived she’d pulled Sirius aside and proceeded to question him. Remus isn’t even sure of  _ what _ . James had pulled him aside for a proper greeting, a clearly organized move between James and Lily- so that Remus wouldn’t be there to interrupt or object.

Nevertheless, after a few minutes, Sirius had been given the official stamp of approval, and it was James’ turn to have his moment with him, discarding Remus off at Lily’s side. Except that Sirius had never returned from James’ inquisition, and he didn’t seem to be too unhappy about that, either. 

Remus shook his head, grinning fondly, looking around their little group, and he decided that  _ yes _ , he did want this, and he was more than ready to take it.

* * *

**One Month Later**

Remus gets the phone call at 2 AM. 

Remus isn’t at Sirius’ side when it comes in. He’s at James and Lily’s house, where he’d gone after work to spend time with his godson, Harry, who’d been born just two weeks before. 

The call doesn’t come from Sirius either, presumably because Sirius is in France when it happens, and Remus had told him that he’d be with James, Lily, and Harry this evening, and Sirius probably had the audacity to think he’d been ruining  _ Remus’ _ evening with this news. 

Sirius has been in France the past few days, after the first phone call from Elaine telling him that Regulus isn’t doing well and that he should come down to say his good-bye’s. 

Remus, naturally, had wanted to go with him. Sirius had said no. His godson had just been born, they needed him here. 

Remus stumbles out of bed, making arrangements with Alice before hanging up the phone and discarding it on the bed. He fumbles around blindly in the dark for his clothes, pushing his things into a duffel bag because he doesn’t want to waste any time going back to his apartment to pack from there. 

He scribbles a note, because James and Lily are new parents and he doesn’t want to wake them, but James is up anyway, at the kitchen island with his laptop open in front of him.

He takes one look at Remus and knows, without either of them saying anything. He gets up and pulls him into a hug.

“Go.” James says, “Take care of him.”

So Remus goes.

* * *

“How did it happen?” Walburga Black asks. She stands perfectly still, back straight, shoulders back, head up. She wears dark glasses, and Remus wonders if that’s because she’s crying underneath them. She doesn’t look like she’s crying. Remus wonders if this woman has ever experienced a genuine human emotion in her life.

Sirius is in his arms. He’d run out of tears about an hour ago, and now his body just shakes periodically as he seems to reprocess the news over and over again. Elaine is much the same way, clinging to her sisters, who are also silently crying over her. Remus locks eyes with Andromeda and Alphard, who are sitting and holding each other’s hands across the room. Andy is glaring at Walburga and Orion, and still manages to look sufficiently enraged through her own hiccuping sobs.

Walburga waits patiently for the nurse to respond. He seems just as confused by her reaction as Remus is.

“He stopped breathing ma’am.” The nurse says eventually.

Walburga frowns, “And you did not resuscitate him?” 

The nurse bristles, and looks to the rest of Regulus’ family, confusion plain on his face now.

“...He signed a DNR, ma’am.” He says, “Did you not know?”

Remus had known, because Sirius had told him. Sirius had been angry enough to make his hands bleed by punching a bookcase, but then he’d simmered down as Remus had cleaned and dressed the wound, and he’d cried for hours. It was, Remus thought, the first time that he’d fully accepted Regulus’ fate. The DNR had come after Regulus’ health took a turn for the worse. It was several months too soon, but he was getting weaker and weaker with each passing day, and after he’d been admitted to the hospital full time, he’d decided to go on his own terms, rather than wait around for death to find him whenever it pleased.

No one in the room looks surprised to hear about this, aside from Walburga and Orion, both of whom immediately stiffen.

_ So no one had told them, then _ , Remus thought as he braced himself for their response.

Walburga spins around, and she pins Elaine to the spot with her glare.

“ _ You _ !” She screams, “You talked him into this, didn’t you!?”

Elaine, whose head had been buried in her sister’s lap, looked up wearily. She didn’t look angry, or chagrined -like she had at the rehearsal dinner- or even upset. She just seemed tired. Remus felt he could relate.

“No.” Elaine says simply, “I did not.”

“Then why would he do such a thing?” Orion growls, “Why would he choose this… this cowardly way out?”

Elaine sighs, “Can we please not do this tonight.”

“Why didn’t he tell us?” Walburga continued, ignoring Elaine’s request, “If not for you? We’re his parents. He used to tell us everything before you showed up!”

Elaine looked like she had plenty to say to that, but chose to keep her mouth shut. Sirius jerked out of Remus’ grasp and raised himself to his feet. He looked… not great. His clothes were disheveled, there were bags under his eyes, and his hair looked like he’d just rolled off the bed. But he glowered at his parents’ and still looked incredibly threatening, despite his appearance.

“ _ Enough. _ ” He growled, “Is it never going to be enough for you? Regulus is- He’s  _ dead _ , and you’re here berating his  _ wife _ ?”

“ _That woman_ -” Walburga pointed, fixing Sirius with a withering look, “Will never be a part of this family. She manipulated my son, convinced him to die-”

“I DIDN’T CAUSE REGULUS’ CANCER!” Elaine suddenly erupted. Remus looked at her. She was on her feet now.

“I didn’t cause his death! You think I wanted him to die? I  _ love _ him. He’s my husband.” Elaine sniffed, and placed a hand protectively over her stomach, “He’s the father of my child.”

Remus’ eyes widened. The room was eerily silent. Not even Walburga seemed to have a response to  _ that _ .

But he looked at Sirius, who had apparently just found out he was going to be an uncle, and Sirius didn’t look shocked. 

_ Had he known? _

“You- you…” Walburga spluttered, “ _You come into Regulus’ life_ , get yourself pregnant… you’re only after his money, you and your bastard child. It’s not Regulus’... _how_ -”

“Get out.” Elaine said.

Walburga recoiled as though she’d been slapped. 

Elaine pointed at the exit, “ _Get out!_ I don’t want you here. You don’t deserve-”

“My son-”

“My husband,” Elaine corrected, “Deserved better than the two of you. He deserves to be grieved by people who truly loved him.”

Elaine was still holding her still flat stomach. She couldn’t have been far along. Remus could tell from Sirius’ expression now that he had definitely known before this moment.

Walburga still held her position, “You’ll not get a cent of our money-”

“I don’t want your fucking money!” Elaine screamed, “Leave!”

At that moment, Andy walked into the room. Remus hadn’t even noticed she’d left, but she returned now with two security guards who stood and stared expectantly at Walburga and Orion. The pair of them glowered around the room.

“I think it’s best if you leave, mother and father.” Sirius said calmly.

His parents looked like they wanted to say much more. Orion in particular seemed to want to reach out and knock the air out of his son. But they held their heads high and walked away, the security guards following behind them.

Sirius crossed the room and over to Elaine, pulling her into a hug. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear, and Elaine pulled back just enough to nod. She had a small, gentle smile on her face.

Remus didn’t know what would become of her and her baby, but he knew they would be more than okay. 

* * *

Three months after the funeral, Remus and Sirius find themselves back in Madrid. 

It’s a bit poetic, the way they walk together into the same hotel they’d walked out of all those months ago, on what had been meant to be the last night they ever spent together. 

Sirius brushes his knuckles slightly against Remus’ as they wait for the elevator, no doubt feeling the same way. 

Sirius is better now. Not great. Remus knows that that’s the way grief works. He’s never going to be  _ over _ it, but he’ll heal. He’ll move on.

The elevator comes down and Sirius punches in the code for their floor. 

They’re here on business. Well, Sirius is here on business. Remus is here because he couldn’t miss the opportunity to… rectify what had been their last trip to Madrid. 

They’d done a lot of that the night before.

They’d also done a lot of talking.

Remus looks over to Sirius and smiles, “We should talk to Minerva.”

Sirius startles, “Wait… really?”

Remus’ smile widens, and he kisses Sirius as the elevator door slides shut. 

Sirius had brought up that they should consider making their relationship public. Because Remus was a publicist at heart, and also because he was more of a coward than he liked to admit, he’d not given a definite response, and shelved it until he’d gotten time to really think about it.

_ When we go out in public, _ Sirius had said,  _ I don’t want you to be a secret. _

“I love you.” Sirius says now, “So that’s a yes?”

“Yes.” Remus says. He smiles. It would be nice, he thinks, not having to hide who they really are. Paparazzi tended to follow Sirius like moths followed a flame, and so whenever they were in public, they were strictly platonic. A great challenge, considering how hands-on Sirius tended to like being.

“It’s a yes.” Remus confirms. He’s not looking forward to talking over the logistics with Minerva, or Alice and Caradoc. He’s especially not enthusiastic about the way he knows the general public are going to react, particularly about the part of all this that includes James and Lily.

He’ll also have to talk to James and Lily, he knows. This will affect them, as well. And they’ve just had a baby. They need to know everything. There’s so much to consider. Remus knows it’s not going to be an easy thing to do. But he looks at Sirius, into those grey eyes that he loves so much, and it’s the easiest decision he has ever made.

“I love you,” Remus says. 

Sirius answers with a kiss, and Remus lets himself fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love y'all! You can find me over on tumblr @nikialexx or on twitter @nerdesqque

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This fic was born out of my desire to explore James/Remus without having to sacrifice my love of Jily or Wolfstar to do so.  
> I'm quite excited for it. Chapters will be updated once a week, on Saturday. I hope you enjoy it too ♡


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